...and fling myself in front of the bullet train in japan.
he's such a fucking douchebag.
first of all, poison wasn't even that great of a band.
they were just a lame rip off of Guns N' Roses and Mötley Crüe.
like, i know the though process of their band:
"wow, we suck. we're nothing like GNR or any other awesome band. lets just make a lot of songs that sound like them, NO ONE WILL KNOW THEY'RE BASICALLY THE SAME."
and somehow, NO ONE DOES.
yeah, okay, poison was formed 2 years before guns n roses, but they didnt get big until AFTER guns n roses formed. hmm. i wonder the fuck why.
and bret fucking michaels thinks he's such a motherfucking rockstar, and he's "looking for love."
bullshit.
he's looking for money cause he's fucking broke.
he's on his 3rd or 4th season of rock of love.
wouldn't you realize that it doesn't fucking work? even tila tequila gave up after 2 seasons.
like, seriously?
he needs to get over himself.
every rose has its thorn was stupid, and everytime i have to play talk dirty to me on guitar hero, i have to mute the tv, so i'm not exposed to the awfulness.
i fucking hate him.
fucking douche.
[/rant]
circus.
i'm hesitant to write what i want to. cause i don't wanna talk about it, i just want to say it, to spit it out. but if i write it, someone will ask me and want to talk about it. but the way i see it, there is nothing to talk about. so i'll refrain from posting it.
christmas was nice.
my aunts puppy, ranger, is the cutest thing you've ever seen.
i got a lot of things that i wanted.
i havent gotten braids yet, but i'm hoping i will by february.
i cried while watching the notebook, then cried on my moms shoulder about it.
i partially cleaned my room then gave up cause i was hungry.
i ordered a hat, shirt, and a skirt/belt that i really wanted.
i still want to buy that. but my mom has got me rethinking it. but i think i'm going to get it anyway.
i went through my myspace friends and deleted all the friends that i never talk to/dont know/deleted themselves, deleted bands i didn't like, and went through my inbox and deleted a shitload of old messages. i had over 4000 and now i have less than 1000.
i played a great basketball game in vain, we still lost by almost 20.
i ate four pieces of pizza, 2 airheads, and 2 lolipops.
i made 2 bracelets so far. one says FIERCE and the other says SXE HXC.
i've been listening to britney spears a lot lately. i love her new album circus, and now i'm just listening to everything.
it's a new year in two days.
i want something to do tomorrow.
christmas was nice.
my aunts puppy, ranger, is the cutest thing you've ever seen.
i got a lot of things that i wanted.
i havent gotten braids yet, but i'm hoping i will by february.
i cried while watching the notebook, then cried on my moms shoulder about it.
i partially cleaned my room then gave up cause i was hungry.
i ordered a hat, shirt, and a skirt/belt that i really wanted.
i still want to buy that. but my mom has got me rethinking it. but i think i'm going to get it anyway.
i went through my myspace friends and deleted all the friends that i never talk to/dont know/deleted themselves, deleted bands i didn't like, and went through my inbox and deleted a shitload of old messages. i had over 4000 and now i have less than 1000.
i played a great basketball game in vain, we still lost by almost 20.
i ate four pieces of pizza, 2 airheads, and 2 lolipops.
i made 2 bracelets so far. one says FIERCE and the other says SXE HXC.
i've been listening to britney spears a lot lately. i love her new album circus, and now i'm just listening to everything.
it's a new year in two days.
i want something to do tomorrow.
blake is so great.
he's so messed up.
he needs so much help.
he's so amazingly nice.
he always replies to my depressing bulletins or whatever to tell me that i can always text him if i need to talk or anything.
the kid lives in north carolina.
and he's great.
thanks blake. you're neat.
:]
he needs so much help.
he's so amazingly nice.
he always replies to my depressing bulletins or whatever to tell me that i can always text him if i need to talk or anything.
the kid lives in north carolina.
and he's great.
thanks blake. you're neat.
:]
but i swear i'm gonna cry. i'm sick of trying to be tough.
there was litterally no point to this post...
everyone is so mean.
it's annoying. i don't know why i associate/talk to/hang out with these people. they're so vain and ugh i don't know.
urg.
urg.
1st show, 6th month, dear god, almost easy?
stayed home sick yesterday.
went to avenged sevenfold that night. i was alone for more than an hour and a half. 7-around 8:40.
shift sucked. they just did. burn halo was better, and it turned out it was their first show ever. i was impressed and shocked that their first show was in a place that big, and opening for a band that big. no basement shows? no battle of the bands? it was pretty awesome. they were better than shift, and if i listened to them more, they'd probably really grow on me. i did like their one song, this is our house, and some other song they played in tribute to the deer the guitarist hit and killed the other day.
i was excited for sevenfold. after almost 3 months, and 2 and a half hours of waiting [synyster gates came out to tell us that they delayed it again because matts face got stuck...haha] they came on.
i almost died of the amazingness.
i was mad though, cause they said no cameras. it was the first time i actually listened, and didnt bring my camera, AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN CHECK. ooo i was so pissed.
tess, perry and i started a mosh pit to get away from a creeper. actually, we started two. and i crowd surfed when they left.
theres nothing much to say about it besides how amazing it was.
the best thing happened.
the boy stayed up to midnight to wish me happy 6th month anniversary. he text me right as sevenfold started playing dear god.
i freaked. it was perfect.
we played with condom balloons while waiting for sevenfold to play. there was a little boy there standing on the balcony with his parents. he was adorable.
a lot of drunk men. a lot of funny, sweaty, moshing, drunk men.
i had so much fun.
deff one of my top concerts.
1.mcr
2.mcr
3.msi
4.reggie
5.avenged sevenfold.
haha, matt fucked up the lyrics to a little piece of heave. zacky laughed and him.
when they played beast and the harlot, they had silloutes of strippers on these screen things.
matt said that when he was at the hospital, he was talking on the phone to someone, and they said that the craziest crowd thats ever walked through the doors of rams head was there. i was happy. then he loved how intense we were getting into the song, and they played the end of...almost easy? i cant remember. but they played the end again so we could keep on moshing. and he kept saying something like, "this is baltimore for us. this is baltimore." it made me proud.
oh, and matt went back and forth with the crowd saying hey different ways, then he went, "i'm not insane." then they played almost easy. ahh i died out of joy.
synyster gates played like, 3 solos. he's a beautiful person and guitarist and perry wants him but she can't have him cause he's mine kaythanks.
it's true, i prefer to spend my time being pushed, shoved, and squished by 30year old sweaty men while screaming lyrics at the top of my lungs. that, to me, is fun.
sorry for the jumble. i want to write everything down so i wont forget it. :D
i wont post about today. it was plain and boring and i cried after basketball, so we won't discuss.
:]
went to avenged sevenfold that night. i was alone for more than an hour and a half. 7-around 8:40.
shift sucked. they just did. burn halo was better, and it turned out it was their first show ever. i was impressed and shocked that their first show was in a place that big, and opening for a band that big. no basement shows? no battle of the bands? it was pretty awesome. they were better than shift, and if i listened to them more, they'd probably really grow on me. i did like their one song, this is our house, and some other song they played in tribute to the deer the guitarist hit and killed the other day.
i was excited for sevenfold. after almost 3 months, and 2 and a half hours of waiting [synyster gates came out to tell us that they delayed it again because matts face got stuck...haha] they came on.
i almost died of the amazingness.
i was mad though, cause they said no cameras. it was the first time i actually listened, and didnt bring my camera, AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN CHECK. ooo i was so pissed.
tess, perry and i started a mosh pit to get away from a creeper. actually, we started two. and i crowd surfed when they left.
theres nothing much to say about it besides how amazing it was.
the best thing happened.
the boy stayed up to midnight to wish me happy 6th month anniversary. he text me right as sevenfold started playing dear god.
i freaked. it was perfect.
we played with condom balloons while waiting for sevenfold to play. there was a little boy there standing on the balcony with his parents. he was adorable.
a lot of drunk men. a lot of funny, sweaty, moshing, drunk men.
i had so much fun.
deff one of my top concerts.
1.mcr
2.mcr
3.msi
4.reggie
5.avenged sevenfold.
haha, matt fucked up the lyrics to a little piece of heave. zacky laughed and him.
when they played beast and the harlot, they had silloutes of strippers on these screen things.
matt said that when he was at the hospital, he was talking on the phone to someone, and they said that the craziest crowd thats ever walked through the doors of rams head was there. i was happy. then he loved how intense we were getting into the song, and they played the end of...almost easy? i cant remember. but they played the end again so we could keep on moshing. and he kept saying something like, "this is baltimore for us. this is baltimore." it made me proud.
oh, and matt went back and forth with the crowd saying hey different ways, then he went, "i'm not insane." then they played almost easy. ahh i died out of joy.
synyster gates played like, 3 solos. he's a beautiful person and guitarist and perry wants him but she can't have him cause he's mine kaythanks.
it's true, i prefer to spend my time being pushed, shoved, and squished by 30year old sweaty men while screaming lyrics at the top of my lungs. that, to me, is fun.
sorry for the jumble. i want to write everything down so i wont forget it. :D
i wont post about today. it was plain and boring and i cried after basketball, so we won't discuss.
:]
16 candles.
the day has finally arrived.
the day i've been waiting for since i was 5 is finally here. and i don't feel any different. it didnt really hit me that it was my birthday until i came home around 7.
i got nice presents, and im excited for my shoes to come in.
i have no clue what i expected, but it did not feel like my birthday.
16 overrated much?
yeah.
maddie made me the best card ever. she said she had to cause i made her an epic one on her 16th. but the one she made for me is awesome. i love that girl so much. and i miss her even more.
the day i've been waiting for since i was 5 is finally here. and i don't feel any different. it didnt really hit me that it was my birthday until i came home around 7.
i got nice presents, and im excited for my shoes to come in.
i have no clue what i expected, but it did not feel like my birthday.
16 overrated much?
yeah.
maddie made me the best card ever. she said she had to cause i made her an epic one on her 16th. but the one she made for me is awesome. i love that girl so much. and i miss her even more.
my shirt smells like pot.
i had to hide someones pipe in my bag, cause their parents check their bags. but my bag was clear, so i wrapped it in my shirt. so my shirt smells like pot, no matter how much axe i sprayed.
last night was fun.
i was happy to see anna and cooper there. that made me happy. and my boy dancing with cooper, talking about their boobs also made me happy. i love cooper. :D
the azn was piss drunk. she's such a lightweight. her date was good to her though, he took care of her. i approve.
eh, theres not much to say about the dance, just that it was extremely fun.
after i went to lizifers house with newman and gd. we made smores and talked and it was chill. lizifer and i slept in the same bed and discussed while i texted my boy.
<3
nice night.
last night was fun.
i was happy to see anna and cooper there. that made me happy. and my boy dancing with cooper, talking about their boobs also made me happy. i love cooper. :D
the azn was piss drunk. she's such a lightweight. her date was good to her though, he took care of her. i approve.
eh, theres not much to say about the dance, just that it was extremely fun.
after i went to lizifers house with newman and gd. we made smores and talked and it was chill. lizifer and i slept in the same bed and discussed while i texted my boy.
<3
nice night.
i forgot to mention last night...
twelfth night was great.
it was the most hilarious play. and their use of rose petals was great, i thought.
i felt really alone at one point last night. we got off the bus [lizifer and i were both in bad moods. me cause of my period and my stomach hurt and my bball team was being stupid. and lizifer cause garrett was being a dick and alec hadn't text her in a few days.] and all lizzie was doing was texting garrett and yelling at him, telling him not to go to snowball with newman if he was being an ass, called tyler and him to go with newman, and talked shit about people. i love her to death i really do, but i really didn't want to be around her. i looked around for someone else to go to, and i realized there was no one. ralphie wasnt there, but even if she was, she would probably be with zoey/tilde. i love zoey, but she was with jd and they kinda have a bff thing that i feel left out in. and tilde...well yeah. so i pretty much stayed with lizifer for a long time, then left and found...someone. i can't remember. but i found them and we went in and i ended up sitting next to lizifer anyways.
she was in a much better mood during the 2nd act though cause alec text her. which was good.
lizifer in a good mood=fun.
it was the most hilarious play. and their use of rose petals was great, i thought.
i felt really alone at one point last night. we got off the bus [lizifer and i were both in bad moods. me cause of my period and my stomach hurt and my bball team was being stupid. and lizifer cause garrett was being a dick and alec hadn't text her in a few days.] and all lizzie was doing was texting garrett and yelling at him, telling him not to go to snowball with newman if he was being an ass, called tyler and him to go with newman, and talked shit about people. i love her to death i really do, but i really didn't want to be around her. i looked around for someone else to go to, and i realized there was no one. ralphie wasnt there, but even if she was, she would probably be with zoey/tilde. i love zoey, but she was with jd and they kinda have a bff thing that i feel left out in. and tilde...well yeah. so i pretty much stayed with lizifer for a long time, then left and found...someone. i can't remember. but i found them and we went in and i ended up sitting next to lizifer anyways.
she was in a much better mood during the 2nd act though cause alec text her. which was good.
lizifer in a good mood=fun.
don't forget the alcohol...
sadly, there will be no alcohol.
mother anne snooped around lizifers room and found rum, therefore the after party is canceled, and all our hardwork and planning how to get the alcohol in her basement was a waste.
i am very upset.
my basketball team decided to change practice today to sunday, so now we have 8 days straight of basketball. i could kill my team. i'd rather go this morning than sunday. goddammit.
there was this hat that i saw a hot topic model wearing last year, but i couldn't find it and i was very upset. they sold it this year and i was so pumped, and planned to get it with my birthday/xmas money. but they're sold out. now i'm really freaking upset. i want that hat so badly. D:
i went to 3 stores today to find a snowball dress. at the last store i tried on a dress in 3 different sizes, my mom told me she didnt like it much, and that i've had better, so i put it back. then she got mad cause 1, i wasted twenty minutes, and 2, i need a dress like that just incase. and as we were walking out she said, "i don't understand why you didn't get it, you looked cute in it, i really liked it." i was raging.
i mean, i have a collection of dresses that i could wear, but my mom wants to get me another one and i don't know why...
narg.
mother anne snooped around lizifers room and found rum, therefore the after party is canceled, and all our hardwork and planning how to get the alcohol in her basement was a waste.
i am very upset.
my basketball team decided to change practice today to sunday, so now we have 8 days straight of basketball. i could kill my team. i'd rather go this morning than sunday. goddammit.
there was this hat that i saw a hot topic model wearing last year, but i couldn't find it and i was very upset. they sold it this year and i was so pumped, and planned to get it with my birthday/xmas money. but they're sold out. now i'm really freaking upset. i want that hat so badly. D:
i went to 3 stores today to find a snowball dress. at the last store i tried on a dress in 3 different sizes, my mom told me she didnt like it much, and that i've had better, so i put it back. then she got mad cause 1, i wasted twenty minutes, and 2, i need a dress like that just incase. and as we were walking out she said, "i don't understand why you didn't get it, you looked cute in it, i really liked it." i was raging.
i mean, i have a collection of dresses that i could wear, but my mom wants to get me another one and i don't know why...
narg.
dead tree.
i'm failing french.
i got yelled at for not doing homework, when she gave us the paper, and never told us to do it.
i'm failing basketball.
my coaches don't inspire me, or pump me up or anything, they piss me off. and my team captains do the same. they don't motivate me. they make me wanna shove their head in a toilet. i need to play in games. practice makes me want to commit suicide.
i'm achy.
we lifted [in the fucking dark might i add. the power went out at school and they still made us practice.] and now i cant move anything. my bitch week is gonna start soon, and i have a bad feeling that it's gonna start on/near my birthday.
my birthday is on monday. *confetti* ralphie is making me a giant funfetti cupcake. i'm excited about that.
i have friday morning practice [6-7:30am] usually i'd be excited, but i have PE right after. i don't know what to do. should i take a shower then sweat in PE? or speed shower after PE?
dammit, i might speed shower.
i fell asleep today in history. no matter how hard i tried to stay awake, i couldn't open my eyes. she paused the movie multiple times to discuss, and i tired so hard to listen, but i would blink, and all of a sudden the movie was back on. that whole class except the beginning and end was a blur. urg. i need sleep.
i have a math test on my birthday >_<
the south africans are leaving soon. i like bianca and aime [i dont know the other one.] it's sad D:
the boy was forced to cut his hair. double D:
snowball is on saturday.
basketball game saturday.
britney spears new cd out today? yesterday? tomorrow? i dont know but soon. i want it.
shut up. i love britney.
*falls asleep on laptop*
i got yelled at for not doing homework, when she gave us the paper, and never told us to do it.
i'm failing basketball.
my coaches don't inspire me, or pump me up or anything, they piss me off. and my team captains do the same. they don't motivate me. they make me wanna shove their head in a toilet. i need to play in games. practice makes me want to commit suicide.
i'm achy.
we lifted [in the fucking dark might i add. the power went out at school and they still made us practice.] and now i cant move anything. my bitch week is gonna start soon, and i have a bad feeling that it's gonna start on/near my birthday.
my birthday is on monday. *confetti* ralphie is making me a giant funfetti cupcake. i'm excited about that.
i have friday morning practice [6-7:30am] usually i'd be excited, but i have PE right after. i don't know what to do. should i take a shower then sweat in PE? or speed shower after PE?
dammit, i might speed shower.
i fell asleep today in history. no matter how hard i tried to stay awake, i couldn't open my eyes. she paused the movie multiple times to discuss, and i tired so hard to listen, but i would blink, and all of a sudden the movie was back on. that whole class except the beginning and end was a blur. urg. i need sleep.
i have a math test on my birthday >_<
the south africans are leaving soon. i like bianca and aime [i dont know the other one.] it's sad D:
the boy was forced to cut his hair. double D:
snowball is on saturday.
basketball game saturday.
britney spears new cd out today? yesterday? tomorrow? i dont know but soon. i want it.
shut up. i love britney.
*falls asleep on laptop*
how badass?
http://www.luckybrand.com/Product.aspx?p=LBX15704&l=00160191000000000000&km=&pn=1
i want. i want nowwww.
i love lucky brand. but its so damn expensive.
LOOK AT THOSE JEANS!!!
ahhh. they're putting one in the mall and i am sooooooooo freaking excited.
ahhh.
love lucky.
:D
i want. i want nowwww.
i love lucky brand. but its so damn expensive.
LOOK AT THOSE JEANS!!!
ahhh. they're putting one in the mall and i am sooooooooo freaking excited.
ahhh.
love lucky.
:D
little soul, you're dreams are waiting.
i enjoy the holidays. i get to see my familys craziness at its finest.
it's great.
everyone is having problems and blaming other people.
don't lie, it's your fucking fault.
now stop crying and do something about it.
i want to make something. i want to do something with my fingers other than type, but i don't know what.
yesterday i was gonna paint and make bracelets, but my mother preoccupied me so much that by the time i had the time, it was almost midnight. fuck doing anything then.
someone said that conor oberst died.
i highly doubt it. and i hope its just a mean rumor.
gerard and lyn-z are having a baby. i'm excited. i hope it's a girl.
why, i have no idea. i think, for some reason, gerard would be happier with a daughter...idk. i'm just excited. that's gonna be one badass kid.
i wonder what i'm going to wear today.
i want to see twilight again.
i want to read the series of unfortuanate events again, mainly so i can read the last two books that i have yet to read. [last two or the last, i cant remember.]
i want to be better at guitar. and basketball for that matter.
the orange in my hair is practically out, and i dont think my mom is gonna let me dye it again cause break is almost here.
this year did not turning out the way i planned it to.
it's great.
everyone is having problems and blaming other people.
don't lie, it's your fucking fault.
now stop crying and do something about it.
i want to make something. i want to do something with my fingers other than type, but i don't know what.
yesterday i was gonna paint and make bracelets, but my mother preoccupied me so much that by the time i had the time, it was almost midnight. fuck doing anything then.
someone said that conor oberst died.
i highly doubt it. and i hope its just a mean rumor.
gerard and lyn-z are having a baby. i'm excited. i hope it's a girl.
why, i have no idea. i think, for some reason, gerard would be happier with a daughter...idk. i'm just excited. that's gonna be one badass kid.
i wonder what i'm going to wear today.
i want to see twilight again.
i want to read the series of unfortuanate events again, mainly so i can read the last two books that i have yet to read. [last two or the last, i cant remember.]
i want to be better at guitar. and basketball for that matter.
the orange in my hair is practically out, and i dont think my mom is gonna let me dye it again cause break is almost here.
this year did not turning out the way i planned it to.
it's hysterical.
i laugh because everyone takes what happens online so seriously.
apparently facebook dictates our life now.
i laugh cause people i barely talk to ask me about my boy. everyone is so obsessed with out relationship, i feel kinda like britney spears or gerard way. it's not a nice feeling, and i feel bad for them.
i laugh because i can't be more busy or in anymore pain if i tried, and i have basketball practice today. and i'm convinced that i will die in that gym.
my back is literally killing me.
it's funny to me cause i can't keep twilight off my mind, and i wish that vampires existed. i saw the movie twice so far, and i keep going over quotations on a website, finding ones that i like, and then reading basically the whole chapter where that quotation is. which just proves how much of a dork i am.
i'm just tired.
i'm just ready for summer break.
apparently facebook dictates our life now.
i laugh cause people i barely talk to ask me about my boy. everyone is so obsessed with out relationship, i feel kinda like britney spears or gerard way. it's not a nice feeling, and i feel bad for them.
i laugh because i can't be more busy or in anymore pain if i tried, and i have basketball practice today. and i'm convinced that i will die in that gym.
my back is literally killing me.
it's funny to me cause i can't keep twilight off my mind, and i wish that vampires existed. i saw the movie twice so far, and i keep going over quotations on a website, finding ones that i like, and then reading basically the whole chapter where that quotation is. which just proves how much of a dork i am.
i'm just tired.
i'm just ready for summer break.
not enough hours in the day...
i haven't been this tired in the history of my life. yes watching the midnight premier could have something to do with it. but i believe i would be this tired no matter what.
i did well in guitar today. annie did her convocation and it was very good/funny. i love her/her family.
i love basketball.
i hate my coaches, i hate my practices, but i love playing in games. scrimmages during practice, no. games/scrimmages against other teams, yes.
35-9 was the score at half time. guess who was the 9. the game end with 47-43 as the score. i was so excited we caught up, and i did well. i had an adrenaline rush or something, i was playing great against girls who were at least 6feet.
prebus ride, bus ride, and pregame was so much fun. grace and cate are ridiculous. i love them.
i got a new phone and i can once again text the boy. it as killing me not talking to him.
i was gonna say something else but i forgot. oh well.
today is the boys bday.
HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY! [i've said it like, 5times.]
it snowed for you :]
twilight was amazing. i want to see it tomorrow. i had a dream about it. :D
i did well in guitar today. annie did her convocation and it was very good/funny. i love her/her family.
i love basketball.
i hate my coaches, i hate my practices, but i love playing in games. scrimmages during practice, no. games/scrimmages against other teams, yes.
35-9 was the score at half time. guess who was the 9. the game end with 47-43 as the score. i was so excited we caught up, and i did well. i had an adrenaline rush or something, i was playing great against girls who were at least 6feet.
prebus ride, bus ride, and pregame was so much fun. grace and cate are ridiculous. i love them.
i got a new phone and i can once again text the boy. it as killing me not talking to him.
i was gonna say something else but i forgot. oh well.
today is the boys bday.
HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY! [i've said it like, 5times.]
it snowed for you :]
twilight was amazing. i want to see it tomorrow. i had a dream about it. :D
decode.
i'm going to die from excitedness.
i'm going to see twilight at midnight and i couldnt be more pumped.
my boy turns 16 tomorrow and i'm excited as hell.
i think i did well on my chem and french test.
i hugged maggie.
i sang songs from 2005-1980 or something with my friends.
i watched pocahontas today.
i don't know. i'm just kinda chipper.
i wish i had my phone so i could talk to my boy though.
i miss him lots. :/
i'm going to see twilight at midnight and i couldnt be more pumped.
my boy turns 16 tomorrow and i'm excited as hell.
i think i did well on my chem and french test.
i hugged maggie.
i sang songs from 2005-1980 or something with my friends.
i watched pocahontas today.
i don't know. i'm just kinda chipper.
i wish i had my phone so i could talk to my boy though.
i miss him lots. :/
i was pissed.
but blake lifted my mood.
he's awesome. yeah he's always depressed and suicidal. but he's so nice.
he read my hatefilled bulletin and sent me this:
which made me laugh hysterically.
then he gave me his cell if i ever needed someone to talk to. that really made me smile.
he's a great kid.
but i'm still mad at my parents.
he's awesome. yeah he's always depressed and suicidal. but he's so nice.
he read my hatefilled bulletin and sent me this:
which made me laugh hysterically.
then he gave me his cell if i ever needed someone to talk to. that really made me smile.
he's a great kid.
but i'm still mad at my parents.
i think emz is pretty.
i wish i looked like her.
debz is pretty too.actually, all my UK rmy friends are freaking pretty.
it's kinda annoying.
i wish my hair was longer.
i wish i was smarter >_< that would be great and my parents would stfu.
fm,sdkkfhsdljrkfnweajkhaihfjewlkaflhfaiuoojewr903uejidskd
i need money :/
and even though i have my moms camera, i want mine. and i want mine now.
my back hurts :[
7 things i hate about you.
i hate it when people wear basketball shoes for everyday life.
i hate it when people are obnoxious.
i hate it when people are bitches during concerts.
i hate it when people fight for no reason.
i hate it when people hate things/people without a purpose.
i hate it when people talk shit about people the don't even know.
i hate it when people lie.
et je te hais de tout mon corps. mais je t'adore.
last night was amazing. i wanted to cry during escape the fate i love them so much. and meeting max again and craig made the night even better.
i hate it when people are obnoxious.
i hate it when people are bitches during concerts.
i hate it when people fight for no reason.
i hate it when people hate things/people without a purpose.
i hate it when people talk shit about people the don't even know.
i hate it when people lie.
et je te hais de tout mon corps. mais je t'adore.
last night was amazing. i wanted to cry during escape the fate i love them so much. and meeting max again and craig made the night even better.
guess who didn't get invited again...
even though they know that i love nevershoutnever.
they fucking know.
those assholes.
they fucking know.
those assholes.
night riders.
i call them the night riders, cause i mostly see them at night.
sometimes there's only 3, other times there's about 60-70.
they ride around on their bikes. like, dirt bikes and 4 wheelers.
those kind of bikes, in the middle of the city. sometimes they have bandannas around their face so you only see their eyes.
and there's always that one, or a few guys on regular bikes trying to keep up.
either way i see them all the time. i wish i could take pictures of them because it's awesome and hardcore. it also makes me love baltimore. i have no idea why, but it does.
sometimes there's only 3, other times there's about 60-70.
they ride around on their bikes. like, dirt bikes and 4 wheelers.
those kind of bikes, in the middle of the city. sometimes they have bandannas around their face so you only see their eyes.
and there's always that one, or a few guys on regular bikes trying to keep up.
either way i see them all the time. i wish i could take pictures of them because it's awesome and hardcore. it also makes me love baltimore. i have no idea why, but it does.
I FUCKING LOVE ERIN.
she got to go to a concert [cute is what we aim for] and i wanted to go, but couldn't.
she met shaant.
[rememb
er i took this picture in september/october?]
i fucking love him.
anyways, she met him and CALLED ME. but i was in the shower so i didn't answer, but they left a message, and he says hi to me! *squee*
i'm keeping that message forever. it shall never be erased.
i fucking love that girl.
she met shaant.
[remember i took this picture in september/october?]
i fucking love him.
anyways, she met him and CALLED ME. but i was in the shower so i didn't answer, but they left a message, and he says hi to me! *squee*
i'm keeping that message forever. it shall never be erased.
i fucking love that girl.
and i do NOT want you to like me.
ralphie and i sat in the library during 5th period and bitched about the world. bitched about how horrible all our "friends" are, how we're not happy, how we can only stand to be around about 3 people, [okay theres more counting liz, yerami and the freshmen, but i barely see them,] how i hate being home. we bitched and i felt better that someone felt the same way but i still felt shitty.
i used to be happy. even when i was failing out of school i was fucking happy...generally. i didn't want to go home and hang myself [figurative speech there,] i didn't want to lock myself up in my room and paint, i didn't want to leave and stay with my sister and or aunt. i liked coming home. and i liked being home once i was there. now i find every excuse not to be home, and every excuse to me home. i don't want to be there, but i don't want to leave. it's not like things are bad in my household or anything. i only fight with my mom occasionally, but that was always the case, and it's always over stupid things. but it's been like that forever so whatever.
i'm not happy. and my imagination is getting more detailed and i'm afraid that one day is gonna take over and i will be gone. not now but in a couple of years...i just, urg i don't know anymore. i miss lower school.
i'm freaking obsessed with william control. i have no idea why...i didn't think i'd really like it. i didn't like it. when i first heard beautiful liar i thought wil had made a terrible mistake. but now i have the cd and i listen to it all the time and i love it.
it's probably the lyrics....no the music is good. the prologues the best though.
allow me to be frank at the commencement. you will not like me. the gentlemen will be envious and the ladies will be repelled. you will not like me now and you will like me a good deal less as we go on. ladies, an announcement: i am up for it. all the time. that is not a boast or an opinion. it is bone hard medical fact. i put it round you know. and you will watch me putting it round and sigh for it. don't. it is a deal of trouble for you and you are better off watching and drawing your conclusions from a distance than you would be if i got my tase up your petticoats. gentlemen, do not despair. i am up for that as well, and the same warning applies. still your cheesy erections until i have had my say. but later when you shag - and later you will shag - i shall expect it of you. and i will know if you have let me down. i wish you to shag with my homuncular image rattling in your gonads. feel how it was for me. how it is for me, and ponder. "was that shudder the same shudder he sensed? did he know something more profound? or is there some wall of wretchedness that we all batter with our heads at that shinning, livelong moment. that is it. that is my prologue. nothing in rhyme, no protestations of modesty you were not expecting that i hope. i am william control. and i do not want you to like me.
i used to be happy. even when i was failing out of school i was fucking happy...generally. i didn't want to go home and hang myself [figurative speech there,] i didn't want to lock myself up in my room and paint, i didn't want to leave and stay with my sister and or aunt. i liked coming home. and i liked being home once i was there. now i find every excuse not to be home, and every excuse to me home. i don't want to be there, but i don't want to leave. it's not like things are bad in my household or anything. i only fight with my mom occasionally, but that was always the case, and it's always over stupid things. but it's been like that forever so whatever.
i'm not happy. and my imagination is getting more detailed and i'm afraid that one day is gonna take over and i will be gone. not now but in a couple of years...i just, urg i don't know anymore. i miss lower school.
i'm freaking obsessed with william control. i have no idea why...i didn't think i'd really like it. i didn't like it. when i first heard beautiful liar i thought wil had made a terrible mistake. but now i have the cd and i listen to it all the time and i love it.
it's probably the lyrics....no the music is good. the prologues the best though.
allow me to be frank at the commencement. you will not like me. the gentlemen will be envious and the ladies will be repelled. you will not like me now and you will like me a good deal less as we go on. ladies, an announcement: i am up for it. all the time. that is not a boast or an opinion. it is bone hard medical fact. i put it round you know. and you will watch me putting it round and sigh for it. don't. it is a deal of trouble for you and you are better off watching and drawing your conclusions from a distance than you would be if i got my tase up your petticoats. gentlemen, do not despair. i am up for that as well, and the same warning applies. still your cheesy erections until i have had my say. but later when you shag - and later you will shag - i shall expect it of you. and i will know if you have let me down. i wish you to shag with my homuncular image rattling in your gonads. feel how it was for me. how it is for me, and ponder. "was that shudder the same shudder he sensed? did he know something more profound? or is there some wall of wretchedness that we all batter with our heads at that shinning, livelong moment. that is it. that is my prologue. nothing in rhyme, no protestations of modesty you were not expecting that i hope. i am william control. and i do not want you to like me.
she's always trying to prove me wrong, and always trying to bring me down.
she may not know it but it's true and i'm sick of it and i wish she would stop.
i'm hungry but i don't want to go downstairs, cause going downstairs means seeing and maybe talking to her, and we aren't really talking at the moment. but i'm hungry, so downstairs i will go.
i need to do homework.
i need to clean my room.
i need to find my camera.
she may not know it but it's true and i'm sick of it and i wish she would stop.
i'm hungry but i don't want to go downstairs, cause going downstairs means seeing and maybe talking to her, and we aren't really talking at the moment. but i'm hungry, so downstairs i will go.
i need to do homework.
i need to clean my room.
i need to find my camera.
hate culture.
i got 95 new songs yesterday [saturday.]
i love william control. it's better than i expected.
i also got escape the fate, hawthorne heights, josephine collective, nightmare of you, the white tie affair [concert,] rise against, cash cash, and a few stray songs. one of which includes decode by paramore. it's an amazing song.
i'm bored and tired and i should probably go to bed....
i love william control. it's better than i expected.
i also got escape the fate, hawthorne heights, josephine collective, nightmare of you, the white tie affair [concert,] rise against, cash cash, and a few stray songs. one of which includes decode by paramore. it's an amazing song.
i'm bored and tired and i should probably go to bed....
you know she's dancing at the disco.
1. i'm sick of this election. i can't wait for it to be over.
2. everyone is so mean. even my friend who i thought were the nicest people in the world, turn out to be grade A bitches as well. they talk about people like j does. what made it worse was they thought i was joking when i was telling them to stop. and they leave me during concerts without saying bye or brb or anything.
3. last night was flipping amazing. even with my friends being annoying.
i'm sorry, but trace cyrus shirtless?
i almost died. i love trace. not just because he's hot.
i feel like running around downtown and taking pictures.
i feel like making something. doing something with my hands. a bracelet, a painting, anything.
i want my camera back.
but mostly i want my friends back. the ones that are nice.
2. everyone is so mean. even my friend who i thought were the nicest people in the world, turn out to be grade A bitches as well. they talk about people like j does. what made it worse was they thought i was joking when i was telling them to stop. and they leave me during concerts without saying bye or brb or anything.
3. last night was flipping amazing. even with my friends being annoying.
i'm sorry, but trace cyrus shirtless?
i almost died. i love trace. not just because he's hot.
i feel like running around downtown and taking pictures.
i feel like making something. doing something with my hands. a bracelet, a painting, anything.
i want my camera back.
but mostly i want my friends back. the ones that are nice.
out, out.
The buzz saw snarled and rattled in the yard
And made dust and dropped stove-length sticks of wood,
Sweet-scented stuff when the breeze drew across it.
And from there those that lifted eyes could count
Five mountain ranges one behind the other
Under the sunset far into Vermont.
And the saw snarled and rattled, snarled and rattled,
As it ran light, or had to bear a load.
And nothing happened: day was all but done.
Call it a day, I wish they might have said
To please the boy by giving him the half hour
That a boy counts so much when saved from work.
His sister stood beside him in her apron
To tell them "Supper." At the word, the saw,
As if it meant to prove saws know what supper meant,
Leaped out at the boy's hand, or seemed to leap -
He must have given the hand. However it was,
Neither refused the meeting. But the hand!
Half in appeal, but half as if to keep
The life from spilling. Then the boy saw all -
Since he was old enough to know, big boy
Doing a man's work, though a child at heart -
He saw all was spoiled. "Don't let him cut my hand off -
The doctor, when he comes. Don't let him, sister!"
So. The hand was gone already.
The doctor put him in the dark of ether.
He lay and puffed his lips out with his breath.
And then - the watcher at his pulse took a fright.
No one believed. They listened to his heart.
Little - less - nothing! - and that ended it.
No more to build on there. And they, since they
Were not the one dead, turned to their affairs.
i hate that line. i hate that line. it's true. i hate that line.
And made dust and dropped stove-length sticks of wood,
Sweet-scented stuff when the breeze drew across it.
And from there those that lifted eyes could count
Five mountain ranges one behind the other
Under the sunset far into Vermont.
And the saw snarled and rattled, snarled and rattled,
As it ran light, or had to bear a load.
And nothing happened: day was all but done.
Call it a day, I wish they might have said
To please the boy by giving him the half hour
That a boy counts so much when saved from work.
His sister stood beside him in her apron
To tell them "Supper." At the word, the saw,
As if it meant to prove saws know what supper meant,
Leaped out at the boy's hand, or seemed to leap -
He must have given the hand. However it was,
Neither refused the meeting. But the hand!
Half in appeal, but half as if to keep
The life from spilling. Then the boy saw all -
Since he was old enough to know, big boy
Doing a man's work, though a child at heart -
He saw all was spoiled. "Don't let him cut my hand off -
The doctor, when he comes. Don't let him, sister!"
So. The hand was gone already.
The doctor put him in the dark of ether.
He lay and puffed his lips out with his breath.
And then - the watcher at his pulse took a fright.
No one believed. They listened to his heart.
Little - less - nothing! - and that ended it.
No more to build on there. And they, since they
Were not the one dead, turned to their affairs.
i hate that line. i hate that line. it's true. i hate that line.
i have lost all faith in humanity.
everyone is so mean.
they call everyone ugly, they hate everyone, think everyone is annoying.
it's driving me crazy.
everyone they hate i'm friends with.
every teacher they hate, i love.
they simply have to talk. they have to be consumed in the lives of others.
because they don't want to deal with their own.
so they watch shit like the OC, one tree hill, gossip girl, and all the other fake shit. just so they can be so utterly consumed that they think of nothing else. then they start to act like the characters.
"oh shes ugly." "why would she even like him? he's gross looking."
so shallow. so fake.
i'm watching all of this unfold in front of me and i can't believe i'm just figuring this out. i can't believe i used to be like this.
theres few people i would call ugly. even though everyone said mary t was ugly, i didn't think so. i mean, i don't think she's pretty. i think she's a plain jane.
everyone is so used to hollywood and famous actresses, that they forget that not everyone looks that way.
not everyone is pretty, not everyone is gorgeous. if it wasn't for all those shows and ads that convince us that we have to look a certain way, there would be a lot less people called 'ugly.'
i just hate how fake everyone has gotten. how shallow. they talk about how fake and shallow others are, and i kinda laugh at them cause they aren't any better.
everyone says it's the school, but honestly, it's not. anywhere and everywhere you go, there will be people like this.
it's just the way the world is sadly.
i talked to leah about how all my friends are replacing me, and everyone got silent so they could eavesdrop.
"oh, little dyllan is feeling left out?" "aww you're being left."
yeah. thanks guys. true friends right there.
cunt.
they call everyone ugly, they hate everyone, think everyone is annoying.
it's driving me crazy.
everyone they hate i'm friends with.
every teacher they hate, i love.
they simply have to talk. they have to be consumed in the lives of others.
because they don't want to deal with their own.
so they watch shit like the OC, one tree hill, gossip girl, and all the other fake shit. just so they can be so utterly consumed that they think of nothing else. then they start to act like the characters.
"oh shes ugly." "why would she even like him? he's gross looking."
so shallow. so fake.
i'm watching all of this unfold in front of me and i can't believe i'm just figuring this out. i can't believe i used to be like this.
theres few people i would call ugly. even though everyone said mary t was ugly, i didn't think so. i mean, i don't think she's pretty. i think she's a plain jane.
everyone is so used to hollywood and famous actresses, that they forget that not everyone looks that way.
not everyone is pretty, not everyone is gorgeous. if it wasn't for all those shows and ads that convince us that we have to look a certain way, there would be a lot less people called 'ugly.'
i just hate how fake everyone has gotten. how shallow. they talk about how fake and shallow others are, and i kinda laugh at them cause they aren't any better.
everyone says it's the school, but honestly, it's not. anywhere and everywhere you go, there will be people like this.
it's just the way the world is sadly.
i talked to leah about how all my friends are replacing me, and everyone got silent so they could eavesdrop.
"oh, little dyllan is feeling left out?" "aww you're being left."
yeah. thanks guys. true friends right there.
cunt.
so shut your eyes, kiss me goodbye, and sleep...
i keep waking up in the middle of the night. 3:30, 4:15, 5:45...
i don't know why. i do not have vivid dreams that pull me out of my sleep. nothing shifts in my room to scare me awake. i simply wake up. my broken up sleep makes it easier to get up in the morning, but makes me more tired during the day.
i want a normal sleep.
i don't know why. i do not have vivid dreams that pull me out of my sleep. nothing shifts in my room to scare me awake. i simply wake up. my broken up sleep makes it easier to get up in the morning, but makes me more tired during the day.
i want a normal sleep.
im so tired. i was yawning before it was even 9.
i saw the boy today. i stayed with him for hours. we had fun. i love him. i miss him. and laying in my bed, i wish he was here with his arms around me like they were earlier today.
when i got home, i curled up in front of the fire with my laptop and watched old movies with my parents. the last one we watched was psycho. it was good. i just hope i won't have nightmares.
oh god. i wish the boy was here.
i saw the boy today. i stayed with him for hours. we had fun. i love him. i miss him. and laying in my bed, i wish he was here with his arms around me like they were earlier today.
when i got home, i curled up in front of the fire with my laptop and watched old movies with my parents. the last one we watched was psycho. it was good. i just hope i won't have nightmares.
oh god. i wish the boy was here.
new blog title.
because i've been awake for hours [see post below.] and i have had that line in my head for months.
so it's changed.
so it's changed.
why are you up?
i don't know why i'm up.
it's saturday. i should be asleep until at least 9 or 10.
i woke up around 5:45, and laid in my bed, trying to go to sleep in vain.
then i started to hear noises, [whether it's mice, my bed moving, or the wind outside, i do not know. maybe i heard the my chemical romance song in my sleep. it's happened before.] so i turned on my lamp and grabbed my computer.
i'm now laying in my bed, listening to my sleep playlist. both versions of everything we had played back-to-back, now it's swing life away.
last night was fun. about 20 of us sat in a tiny ass basement, and ran around. we played twister, watched 5min of saw 3 [well i closed my eyes and tried not to listen to the movie/my friends screams.] ate, [fondue marshmallows, pizza, and oreos] threw pillows, and danced. the dance part was fun, except for when they tried to make the boy get up and dance with me, then stared awkwardly at us. they were always staring, always taking pictures, always trying to get us together. it made things awkward/annoying. i wish that they would play half as much attention to bria and joe. they we're all making me paranoid. talking about how that chick [victoria? can't remember.] was "all up in my boy." same with mimo. i wasn't really paying them any mind. i mean, they were talking. he's allowed to talk to other girls. but they were making me paranoid, and kept telling me to "get on that" and "watch out." oh, and my favorite, "stake your claim gurl." other people asked bria if [victoria?] was dangerous, and if i needed to watch out for her. then they came to tell me that it was okay. i mean, i never felt any danger anyways. i do in fact trust him. i don't know, it wasa slightly annoying.
im trying to go see the boy today. it would be quite nice if i could. we weren't together enough last night, and i'm kinda craving our time together.
we made tshirts at our soccer party with puff paint. mine is kinda ruined, but i'll still wear it.
ralphie kept blowing me off the other day. i don't know whats wrong with her. zoey and i were pissed about the halloween thing on thursday, but we're over it. i don't know what's wrong, and if i ask shes gonna get mad that i asked. i guess i'll wait it out...?
my hair is surprisingly soft after i washed it. it's never like that. i have no idea what i did differently. but it's nice, and i love it. i could tell the difference when i was in the middle of washing it. i hope it'll stay this way when i dye it. [hopefully thursday or wendsday!]
i'm going to miss hilary and tess when they leave for college. i miss them just thinking about it.
i'm starting to feel more replaced everyday. it sucks.
i'm terrified for basketball to start. mostly because if this season isn't good, i'm almost positive i won't go to college for basketball. [my mom said on thursday that i would get into a better college playing soccer than basketball. she was being joking serious, but it still hurt.] also, i hate my coaches. i'm not happy for that.
it's raining.
it's saturday. i should be asleep until at least 9 or 10.
i woke up around 5:45, and laid in my bed, trying to go to sleep in vain.
then i started to hear noises, [whether it's mice, my bed moving, or the wind outside, i do not know. maybe i heard the my chemical romance song in my sleep. it's happened before.] so i turned on my lamp and grabbed my computer.
i'm now laying in my bed, listening to my sleep playlist. both versions of everything we had played back-to-back, now it's swing life away.
last night was fun. about 20 of us sat in a tiny ass basement, and ran around. we played twister, watched 5min of saw 3 [well i closed my eyes and tried not to listen to the movie/my friends screams.] ate, [fondue marshmallows, pizza, and oreos] threw pillows, and danced. the dance part was fun, except for when they tried to make the boy get up and dance with me, then stared awkwardly at us. they were always staring, always taking pictures, always trying to get us together. it made things awkward/annoying. i wish that they would play half as much attention to bria and joe. they we're all making me paranoid. talking about how that chick [victoria? can't remember.] was "all up in my boy." same with mimo. i wasn't really paying them any mind. i mean, they were talking. he's allowed to talk to other girls. but they were making me paranoid, and kept telling me to "get on that" and "watch out." oh, and my favorite, "stake your claim gurl." other people asked bria if [victoria?] was dangerous, and if i needed to watch out for her. then they came to tell me that it was okay. i mean, i never felt any danger anyways. i do in fact trust him. i don't know, it wasa slightly annoying.
im trying to go see the boy today. it would be quite nice if i could. we weren't together enough last night, and i'm kinda craving our time together.
we made tshirts at our soccer party with puff paint. mine is kinda ruined, but i'll still wear it.
ralphie kept blowing me off the other day. i don't know whats wrong with her. zoey and i were pissed about the halloween thing on thursday, but we're over it. i don't know what's wrong, and if i ask shes gonna get mad that i asked. i guess i'll wait it out...?
my hair is surprisingly soft after i washed it. it's never like that. i have no idea what i did differently. but it's nice, and i love it. i could tell the difference when i was in the middle of washing it. i hope it'll stay this way when i dye it. [hopefully thursday or wendsday!]
i'm going to miss hilary and tess when they leave for college. i miss them just thinking about it.
i'm starting to feel more replaced everyday. it sucks.
i'm terrified for basketball to start. mostly because if this season isn't good, i'm almost positive i won't go to college for basketball. [my mom said on thursday that i would get into a better college playing soccer than basketball. she was being joking serious, but it still hurt.] also, i hate my coaches. i'm not happy for that.
it's raining.
if i go to metro station...
i don't think i'm going to hang out with them at all. i'll be alone like at reggie. i don't care.
what the hell.
i wanted to go to metro station.
i wanted to go with liz, leah, and suji.
liz and leah couldn't go, so i just wanted to go with suji.
now a whole group of people want to go.
urg.
i hate this.
i hate this so much.
im so mad at so many different people for so many different reasons and this just sucks.
if i cant fucking go to metro station, i'm having a nervous breakdown, and breaking everything thats glass and fragile in our kitchen.
i wanted to go with liz, leah, and suji.
liz and leah couldn't go, so i just wanted to go with suji.
now a whole group of people want to go.
urg.
i hate this.
i hate this so much.
im so mad at so many different people for so many different reasons and this just sucks.
if i cant fucking go to metro station, i'm having a nervous breakdown, and breaking everything thats glass and fragile in our kitchen.
i keep forgetting...
how much this guy means to me.
and that kinda scares me. he was such an adamant part of my life for such a long time, that when i don't really think about him, or wish i knew/met him or anything. i get worried.
it means that everything is good. it means that i can handle everything. i might think i can't but i can.
which means it's all gonna fall apart soon.
and i can do nothing to stop it cause i have no idea how and when it will start. i just know that it will. and that's terrifying.
in other news, freshman BC is fucking annoying and i hate her. she's just so obnoxious. and needs to stop. now. kaythanks. same with GB.
oh and i've been obsessed with
and his band lately.
i just went on a rampage with their music.
i must study for chemistry, or risk failing.
i must put clothes away, or risk...i don't know.
i must put pictures up on walls, or risk bent and ripped pages.
and i must eat, or risk being hungry until snack tomorrow.
and that kinda scares me. he was such an adamant part of my life for such a long time, that when i don't really think about him, or wish i knew/met him or anything. i get worried.
it means that everything is good. it means that i can handle everything. i might think i can't but i can.
which means it's all gonna fall apart soon.
and i can do nothing to stop it cause i have no idea how and when it will start. i just know that it will. and that's terrifying.
in other news, freshman BC is fucking annoying and i hate her. she's just so obnoxious. and needs to stop. now. kaythanks. same with GB.
oh and i've been obsessed with
and his band lately.i just went on a rampage with their music.
i must study for chemistry, or risk failing.
i must put clothes away, or risk...i don't know.
i must put pictures up on walls, or risk bent and ripped pages.
and i must eat, or risk being hungry until snack tomorrow.
these are the fast times.
soccer game was a tie.
my coach is a bitch. i don't know how i'll survive until february with that crazy lady.
went to liz's house with the asian, newman and tess.
got dressed, went out.
it. was. horrible.
after 10minutes we called mother ann to pick us up. then we proceeded to beg to go to toms house. mother ann and papa john finally gave in and let us go.
we jumped on trampolines, swung on swings, drank soda, ate carrots, looks a lizards, had a dunk contest [kinda] and burned shit. it was fun.
went back to lizs house, the asian left and liz and i basically passed out.
liz talks in her sleep and said the most craziest thing at about 3 in the morning.
woke up and got dressed. went to miss shirleys. went to the mall.
tried on sexy lingerie at vickys, including corsets. liz bought sexy lingerie while i bought pink stuff and got a free dog. then spent most of my money in hottopic on 3 things [skirt, rainbow knee highs, and a shirt with slash on it.] bought jean skirt, shirt, and hoodie at pac sun. got a lammie at bath and body works cause liz bought $30 worth of stuff. went to homecoming game. the boys school got their asses handed to them. [49-0, sorry hon haha.] saw friends at the game [cooper is my favorite G boy ever. he gave me gushers as i was leaving :D] saw some other people. walked with liz. had somewhat of a deep conversation. got hit on by sleezy G boys who had to be senoirs, then watch them almost crash 3 times.
made halloween goodie bags with liz.
went home.
spent the night with my aunt, uncle, mother, and father.
slept.
here.
hungry.
breathing.
worried.
my coach is a bitch. i don't know how i'll survive until february with that crazy lady.
went to liz's house with the asian, newman and tess.
got dressed, went out.
it. was. horrible.
after 10minutes we called mother ann to pick us up. then we proceeded to beg to go to toms house. mother ann and papa john finally gave in and let us go.
we jumped on trampolines, swung on swings, drank soda, ate carrots, looks a lizards, had a dunk contest [kinda] and burned shit. it was fun.
went back to lizs house, the asian left and liz and i basically passed out.
liz talks in her sleep and said the most craziest thing at about 3 in the morning.
woke up and got dressed. went to miss shirleys. went to the mall.
tried on sexy lingerie at vickys, including corsets. liz bought sexy lingerie while i bought pink stuff and got a free dog. then spent most of my money in hottopic on 3 things [skirt, rainbow knee highs, and a shirt with slash on it.] bought jean skirt, shirt, and hoodie at pac sun. got a lammie at bath and body works cause liz bought $30 worth of stuff. went to homecoming game. the boys school got their asses handed to them. [49-0, sorry hon haha.] saw friends at the game [cooper is my favorite G boy ever. he gave me gushers as i was leaving :D] saw some other people. walked with liz. had somewhat of a deep conversation. got hit on by sleezy G boys who had to be senoirs, then watch them almost crash 3 times.
made halloween goodie bags with liz.
went home.
spent the night with my aunt, uncle, mother, and father.
slept.
here.
hungry.
breathing.
worried.
i'm still breathing.
i cried today.
everything finally caught up.
it was one of those, "straw that broke the camels back" things.
i had a 20minute conversation with maggiesaurus about soccer and basketball and my coach and my dislike for her. and how being with my coach from end of august to mid february is terrible. so with that on the brain, and report cards looming in the near future [like, 2 weeks] and trying to see the boy, and making halloween plans, and keeping everything okay at home, i tried to make it through a day [and my life] running on almost nothing but coffee. i saw the 2 vollyball girls putting on lotion and make up with T and Bri. i asked where they were going. they said they were going to my boys school to watch the football game. i asked if it was varsity. they said jv.
i broke.
i started freaking out and crying. which promted liz to take me to maggiesaurus's to get taped and talked about everything but what was bringing me down.
i love liz. she's amazing.
anywho, it was awful. and i only made it through practice because of the katlins, cate and alex having to pee [they couldn't move they had to pee so badly], liz, and tesstastic.
without them, i think i would've died.
i'm going to lizifers house tomorrow!! im happy about that. AND ONLY ONE MORE SOCCER PRACTICE. that's a nice thought.
everything finally caught up.
it was one of those, "straw that broke the camels back" things.
i had a 20minute conversation with maggiesaurus about soccer and basketball and my coach and my dislike for her. and how being with my coach from end of august to mid february is terrible. so with that on the brain, and report cards looming in the near future [like, 2 weeks] and trying to see the boy, and making halloween plans, and keeping everything okay at home, i tried to make it through a day [and my life] running on almost nothing but coffee. i saw the 2 vollyball girls putting on lotion and make up with T and Bri. i asked where they were going. they said they were going to my boys school to watch the football game. i asked if it was varsity. they said jv.
i broke.
i started freaking out and crying. which promted liz to take me to maggiesaurus's to get taped and talked about everything but what was bringing me down.
i love liz. she's amazing.
anywho, it was awful. and i only made it through practice because of the katlins, cate and alex having to pee [they couldn't move they had to pee so badly], liz, and tesstastic.
without them, i think i would've died.
i'm going to lizifers house tomorrow!! im happy about that. AND ONLY ONE MORE SOCCER PRACTICE. that's a nice thought.
politics.
so very annoying.
it just bothers me that people label themselves so strictly that there is no room for compromise. there's rarely, "oh both of them had good points." mostly, "oh he was a machine. that other guy is an idiot."
they blind themselves with the party name, and reject all reason. "oh, he said 2+2=6? he is the smartest man alive!"
and it happens on all political sides. democrat, republican, liberal, conservative. i don't care. they're all the same. with their views dripping from every part of their body. excited to convert their next victim, convinced that if they don't agree, they're on the dark side.
bitch, this isn't star wars. get over it. people have different views. stop letting you label blind you and use your common sense. if it's dumb, it's dumb. if it's smart, it's smart. no matter who is comes from.
in other news, the craziness in my head is finally taking over my actions. and people are getting annoyed and leaving me one by one. it's a great thing to watch.
7th grade is coming backkk.
in some other news, i should've been born in the 70's. so i could live through the 80's.
i fucking love that shit.
it just bothers me that people label themselves so strictly that there is no room for compromise. there's rarely, "oh both of them had good points." mostly, "oh he was a machine. that other guy is an idiot."
they blind themselves with the party name, and reject all reason. "oh, he said 2+2=6? he is the smartest man alive!"
and it happens on all political sides. democrat, republican, liberal, conservative. i don't care. they're all the same. with their views dripping from every part of their body. excited to convert their next victim, convinced that if they don't agree, they're on the dark side.
bitch, this isn't star wars. get over it. people have different views. stop letting you label blind you and use your common sense. if it's dumb, it's dumb. if it's smart, it's smart. no matter who is comes from.
in other news, the craziness in my head is finally taking over my actions. and people are getting annoyed and leaving me one by one. it's a great thing to watch.
7th grade is coming backkk.
in some other news, i should've been born in the 70's. so i could live through the 80's.
i fucking love that shit.
there she goes...
my old friends. the girls i was besties with during basketball, soccer, lacrosse, swimming, camp, whatever.
i miss maddie. she was the first person i took to the beach, and the first and only person i took to florida. we had so much fun both times. but she changed schools the same time i changed basketball teams, and now we only see each other at football games. about once a year. my mom told me she might be quitting bball, and i was upset. the last time we talked, it was still her life. how much has changed since we last saw each other? she can drive, her sister is almost 12 [i swear it was yesterday when she was turning 6.] and she has a boyfriend.
what.
what.
what.
i miss her so much, and we're now in a facebook conversation, but it's not the same. i miss her.
i miss jinny. i spent two weeks with her in asia, and we got so close. we had so many inside jokes, so many pictures, so many memories. yet we havent really spoken since. that was more than 2 years ago. those two weeks of bonding became completely undone like that.
i miss charlotte. we were so close, but she changed schools in 7th grade.
i didnt see or talk to her until a few weeks ago when she was at school for her sisters convocation.
i miss emily. she's still at school, but we havent had the same class in a long time, and now she runs in a different crowd. we were so tight. inseparable.
same with suji. we almost never talk now. she's always with beens. i love beens, but really. i don't like feeling replaced and or ignored.
i miss so many people. not keeping in touch and fading away from people are probably my biggest regrets in life.
i miss my friends.
:/
i miss maddie. she was the first person i took to the beach, and the first and only person i took to florida. we had so much fun both times. but she changed schools the same time i changed basketball teams, and now we only see each other at football games. about once a year. my mom told me she might be quitting bball, and i was upset. the last time we talked, it was still her life. how much has changed since we last saw each other? she can drive, her sister is almost 12 [i swear it was yesterday when she was turning 6.] and she has a boyfriend.
what.
what.
what.
i miss her so much, and we're now in a facebook conversation, but it's not the same. i miss her.
i miss jinny. i spent two weeks with her in asia, and we got so close. we had so many inside jokes, so many pictures, so many memories. yet we havent really spoken since. that was more than 2 years ago. those two weeks of bonding became completely undone like that.
i miss charlotte. we were so close, but she changed schools in 7th grade.
i didnt see or talk to her until a few weeks ago when she was at school for her sisters convocation.
i miss emily. she's still at school, but we havent had the same class in a long time, and now she runs in a different crowd. we were so tight. inseparable.
same with suji. we almost never talk now. she's always with beens. i love beens, but really. i don't like feeling replaced and or ignored.
i miss so many people. not keeping in touch and fading away from people are probably my biggest regrets in life.
i miss my friends.
:/
i look a peoples facebooks and myspaces...
just to loathe them.
i kinda think that's bad/mean, and i should probably stop. :/
i kinda think that's bad/mean, and i should probably stop. :/
you're looking through the eyes of a psycho. an american psycho.
who's to say if you're insane or not?
some people murder, have sex with the bodies, and then hid the bodies under their floorboards.
to most people, that's insane.
some people love to run and only eat healthy, organic food.
to me that's insane.
someone in the rmy brought it up, asking us to post lyrics that made us question the artists sanity.
i could fill a book with all the fucked up songs i have.
lyrics about taking pictures of dead bodies cause they "thought it looked neat."
hiding bodies in walls, and wearing their skin, pretending to be their victim,
collecting heads, and keeping them on bamboo polls in their room,
killing their girlfriend so she could never leave and having sex with her body,
asking mothers if they could go out and kill to make them proud,
killing babies and raping mothers,
burning bodies hanging from poles,
and oh so much more.
i don't know, i find it funny/interesting. i never was disturbed by any of these lyrics.
my favorite. from american psycho by the misfits:
sex puts me in the mood to make you die. obsessive hands gently grab your neck, look into sick eyes...i hate people. struggling to breathe. a machine of penalty, the sweet insanity, fade to black tranquility. you're looking through the eyes of a psycho. an american psycho.
some people murder, have sex with the bodies, and then hid the bodies under their floorboards.
to most people, that's insane.
some people love to run and only eat healthy, organic food.
to me that's insane.
someone in the rmy brought it up, asking us to post lyrics that made us question the artists sanity.
i could fill a book with all the fucked up songs i have.
lyrics about taking pictures of dead bodies cause they "thought it looked neat."
hiding bodies in walls, and wearing their skin, pretending to be their victim,
collecting heads, and keeping them on bamboo polls in their room,
killing their girlfriend so she could never leave and having sex with her body,
asking mothers if they could go out and kill to make them proud,
killing babies and raping mothers,
burning bodies hanging from poles,
and oh so much more.
i don't know, i find it funny/interesting. i never was disturbed by any of these lyrics.
my favorite. from american psycho by the misfits:
sex puts me in the mood to make you die. obsessive hands gently grab your neck, look into sick eyes...i hate people. struggling to breathe. a machine of penalty, the sweet insanity, fade to black tranquility. you're looking through the eyes of a psycho. an american psycho.
saw you from far away and lost you in the sun...
i felt really sick today and i don't know why. every moment i felt like puking, which resulted in a horribly played basketball game.
i didn't do my history homework, so i have to do it tomorrow morning.
im dreading going to school tomorrow cause i think my mom is taking me. shes so talkative, especially when i don't want to be, AKA the morning. the morning is when i zone out, daydream, and just not think. its a nice quite ride with me and my dad, sometimes we exchange a few words, but usually not. he listens to his music, i listen to mine, everything is good. then i get out of the car, "have a good day." he says. "you too." i say. and its all good.
but no.
my mom wants to talk about everything. i kinda want to tell her to shut up at times.
urg.
not excited.
in other news, i've been going on a metro station and reggie and the full effect rampage.
i can't stop listening to them!
i didn't do my history homework, so i have to do it tomorrow morning.
im dreading going to school tomorrow cause i think my mom is taking me. shes so talkative, especially when i don't want to be, AKA the morning. the morning is when i zone out, daydream, and just not think. its a nice quite ride with me and my dad, sometimes we exchange a few words, but usually not. he listens to his music, i listen to mine, everything is good. then i get out of the car, "have a good day." he says. "you too." i say. and its all good.
but no.
my mom wants to talk about everything. i kinda want to tell her to shut up at times.
urg.
not excited.
in other news, i've been going on a metro station and reggie and the full effect rampage.
i can't stop listening to them!
i'll swim the ocean for you, the ocean for you...
whoa, kelsey.
i want to go to metro station on halloween but i don't want to invite the girl. cause if i do she'll invite the other girl, which i do not want. its not that i don't like the other girl, cause the truth is i love her. its just when they're together i'm left out and ignored. and the other girl doesn't even like this music too much. but she's always there. the girl always takes her to music things, when she knows i like it more than the other girl. the girl and i both got into the music together. people say its cause they're best friends, but i was best friends with her first, and for half of last year they weren't even talking.
i don't like the feeling of being replaced.
she also has a legit camera, after mine got lost. she uses it all the time and has become a "legit photographer." its just annoying that she's taking my thing and not giving credit/sharing it with everyone but me.
once again, i don't l ike the feeling.
zoey and ralphie want to go to a show at the recher. so it's my job to find a somewhat decent band. cause they don't really care who, they just want to go.
this providence seems like a good show, they have ludo with them, but almost everyone in the grade is going. cute is what we aim for will be there later...thats cool. oh, hawthorne heights! i want to see them.
hmm, decisions decisions.
i want to go to metro station on halloween but i don't want to invite the girl. cause if i do she'll invite the other girl, which i do not want. its not that i don't like the other girl, cause the truth is i love her. its just when they're together i'm left out and ignored. and the other girl doesn't even like this music too much. but she's always there. the girl always takes her to music things, when she knows i like it more than the other girl. the girl and i both got into the music together. people say its cause they're best friends, but i was best friends with her first, and for half of last year they weren't even talking.
i don't like the feeling of being replaced.
she also has a legit camera, after mine got lost. she uses it all the time and has become a "legit photographer." its just annoying that she's taking my thing and not giving credit/sharing it with everyone but me.
once again, i don't l ike the feeling.
zoey and ralphie want to go to a show at the recher. so it's my job to find a somewhat decent band. cause they don't really care who, they just want to go.
this providence seems like a good show, they have ludo with them, but almost everyone in the grade is going. cute is what we aim for will be there later...thats cool. oh, hawthorne heights! i want to see them.
hmm, decisions decisions.
you're not being ignored.
so you can stop being mad about that.
and everything is easier said than done.
and everything is easier said than done.
this is how it has to be. a kiss for luck, submerge myself...
and in 7 weeks resurface. even if we don't look back again. tired boys and wired eyes, exposing imperfections. to the public eye we're perfect, even if we don't look back again.
i've been getting annoyed a lot lately. i don't remember what happened this weekend to make me so ticked off, but i am. i never start the day off pissed, it just happens when inconsiderate bitches talk to me. or annoying idiots.
take j for example. i was being silent and straight-forward because i was tired, and didnt feel like dancing around things. so of course she asked me why i was so mad. "oh, you're mad cause you didn't get some this weekend?" i told her i wasnt mad, just tired. "and you didn't get any." oh get over yourself. but she kept insisting that i was mad for whatever reason. then jessica came up and j asked her. of course jessica agrees and they both bug me until im so annoyed that i leave.
she did that 2 out of 3 days we've had school. then she yelled at someone for bumping into them cause she wanted to be acknowledged. it was obviously a mistake and i dont know why she made such a big deal about it. it annoyed me. oh, and i walked by jessica after soccer practice, and i was happy, until she sucked her teeth and said, "well someone has an additude." i didn't until she opened her damn mouth. and of course, logan agreed with her. urg.
then the john lennon worshiper was being a bitch over what zack said.
seriously. he apologized to nadia like, 3 times. then he kept apologizing to me to apologize to her. he lost his cool. moment of bad judgement. whatever. i wasn't fucking justifying what he said, and she needs to take the stick out of her ass and stop obsessing over shit.
she was also being a bitch during soccer today, which was the last thing i needed, cause i mean, mw is enough bitch for everyone.
everyone is just such a bitch lately, and they are finding way to push my buttons. i swear they're all on their fucking periods, or they're trying to kill me.
urg. this week=not fun.
hopefull i can get my hair done and see the boy tomorrow. that would be most excellent indeed.
it's all gravy baby, life's lovely, even when the gray rain cloud's right above me. the girl's texting me talking about gettin' all cuddly, cause you paint a pretty picture but the frame is so ugly.
i've been getting annoyed a lot lately. i don't remember what happened this weekend to make me so ticked off, but i am. i never start the day off pissed, it just happens when inconsiderate bitches talk to me. or annoying idiots.
take j for example. i was being silent and straight-forward because i was tired, and didnt feel like dancing around things. so of course she asked me why i was so mad. "oh, you're mad cause you didn't get some this weekend?" i told her i wasnt mad, just tired. "and you didn't get any." oh get over yourself. but she kept insisting that i was mad for whatever reason. then jessica came up and j asked her. of course jessica agrees and they both bug me until im so annoyed that i leave.
she did that 2 out of 3 days we've had school. then she yelled at someone for bumping into them cause she wanted to be acknowledged. it was obviously a mistake and i dont know why she made such a big deal about it. it annoyed me. oh, and i walked by jessica after soccer practice, and i was happy, until she sucked her teeth and said, "well someone has an additude." i didn't until she opened her damn mouth. and of course, logan agreed with her. urg.
then the john lennon worshiper was being a bitch over what zack said.
seriously. he apologized to nadia like, 3 times. then he kept apologizing to me to apologize to her. he lost his cool. moment of bad judgement. whatever. i wasn't fucking justifying what he said, and she needs to take the stick out of her ass and stop obsessing over shit.
she was also being a bitch during soccer today, which was the last thing i needed, cause i mean, mw is enough bitch for everyone.
everyone is just such a bitch lately, and they are finding way to push my buttons. i swear they're all on their fucking periods, or they're trying to kill me.
urg. this week=not fun.
hopefull i can get my hair done and see the boy tomorrow. that would be most excellent indeed.
it's all gravy baby, life's lovely, even when the gray rain cloud's right above me. the girl's texting me talking about gettin' all cuddly, cause you paint a pretty picture but the frame is so ugly.
it is only love i feel...
that will give us peace of heart. in my hour of desperate need, i feel closer to the one.
please, human being if you bleed they will say it was destined. they'll be punching tickets by the minute if you fall out of line. desperate, desperate.
tell me is it death you feel, that will bring you peace of life.
who wants, tell me you're one of us.
when you lose your self esteem, that's when love dies...
well i feel when you've reached number one, you look like you're puffing but really only blocking the sun...
we're mere human beings, we die. it's destined. desperate.
we're mere human beings, we die.
i've been listening to a lot of seal lately.
i'm really bummed that playlist.com doesn't have human beings, state of grace, and just like you said. those are 3 of my favorite songs and i suggest you go listen to them ASAP. :]
hm, i need to start homework.
please, human being if you bleed they will say it was destined. they'll be punching tickets by the minute if you fall out of line. desperate, desperate.
tell me is it death you feel, that will bring you peace of life.
who wants, tell me you're one of us.
when you lose your self esteem, that's when love dies...
well i feel when you've reached number one, you look like you're puffing but really only blocking the sun...
we're mere human beings, we die. it's destined. desperate.
we're mere human beings, we die.
i've been listening to a lot of seal lately.
i'm really bummed that playlist.com doesn't have human beings, state of grace, and just like you said. those are 3 of my favorite songs and i suggest you go listen to them ASAP. :]
hm, i need to start homework.
walk away from the sun.
nameless faces. sweaty bodies. pissed friends. happy friends. slick boys. quick girls.
basically, chc.
liz, charisma, katelyn, eliza, and i wore feathers in our hair, although eliza took hers out when we got there.
it was fun.
i'm slipping back into 7th grade mode. and i don't want to because 7th grade was horrible. but i'm started to act and think the same way. i'm starting to be friends with 7th grade friends and not talking to people who weren't my friends at that time. well, only like, 2 people. it's going to end up badly. very, very badly.
i'm not seeing the boy today, but i am going to a sleepover.
i'm really digging seether at the moment. great band.
i haven't written on my walls in forever. the last time i did, it may have been in may or something. it hasn't changed in a long time. i might write on it tomorrow, i don't know.
basically, chc.
liz, charisma, katelyn, eliza, and i wore feathers in our hair, although eliza took hers out when we got there.
it was fun.
i'm slipping back into 7th grade mode. and i don't want to because 7th grade was horrible. but i'm started to act and think the same way. i'm starting to be friends with 7th grade friends and not talking to people who weren't my friends at that time. well, only like, 2 people. it's going to end up badly. very, very badly.
i'm not seeing the boy today, but i am going to a sleepover.
i'm really digging seether at the moment. great band.
i haven't written on my walls in forever. the last time i did, it may have been in may or something. it hasn't changed in a long time. i might write on it tomorrow, i don't know.
post secret.
MCR post secret.
i had no clue that they even existed until today.
and my two favorite...
i don't know, i just really like them. it's nice to know other people basically feel the same way i guess. i love my chem so freaking much. just talking about them makes my whole day better. [oh and btw, they got 2 new sweater things in their online store. i. want.] i've can't even fathom having bigger inspirations and heroes than them. they are basically the reason why i can get up in the morning and endure the hell hole i like to call my life.
i got my first good grade on a french test/quiz since like, 6th grade. i'm proud. i'm tired. i don't know if i'll get much sleep this weekend. i'm going to chc mixer with newman, and liz and i may dress up like indians. with war paint and feathers in our air. i'll probably see the boy. okay, i better see the boy. or i shall throw a bitch fit at the sleepover.
and i'm really loving this font.
i had no clue that they even existed until today.
and my two favorite...
i don't know, i just really like them. it's nice to know other people basically feel the same way i guess. i love my chem so freaking much. just talking about them makes my whole day better. [oh and btw, they got 2 new sweater things in their online store. i. want.] i've can't even fathom having bigger inspirations and heroes than them. they are basically the reason why i can get up in the morning and endure the hell hole i like to call my life.
i got my first good grade on a french test/quiz since like, 6th grade. i'm proud. i'm tired. i don't know if i'll get much sleep this weekend. i'm going to chc mixer with newman, and liz and i may dress up like indians. with war paint and feathers in our air. i'll probably see the boy. okay, i better see the boy. or i shall throw a bitch fit at the sleepover.
and i'm really loving this font.
should i give up...
or should i just keep chasing pavements? even if it leads to nowhere...
i need to stop making goals for myself. i just get pissed at the end cause i never make them.
today i woke up, i ate, i watched tv, played cello until string broke, moved guitar into my room so it looks like i practiced, drew, vacuumed the hallway, bathroom, and stairs. in hopes someone will notice. cause they always seem to notice when i haven't done it...
i told myself i was going to clean my room, watching forgetting sarah marshal, clean the bathroom, break out my vinyl, put old clothes in a bag for good will, do my lab analysis, wash clothes, and my hair.
i did none of those.
which resulted in me trying to wash clothes while my mom was in the shower and wash my hair after the storm passed.
by the time my clothes were done and had to be put in the dryer, it was dark and the crickets were out. and since i have an irrational fear of bugs, i cried and cried hoping that someone would kill them for me, but they all refused. so now i have a soccer jersey covered in a think layer of febreeze, and i have to buy new socks from the school store. and by the time the storm passed, it was too late to wash my hair. now i have to do my lab analysis. i can't find anything in my room, my bathroom is almost gross, my drawers have way too much clothes in them, and my vinyl is standing upwards in a corner, covered in dust.
i dissapoint myself, basically.
in other news,
i realized there was a name for science meets medieval. steampunk.
i love that shit.
i want something steampunk for my birthday. i was gonna say keyboard, cause they're cool, but it doesn't really matter cause i have a laptop....
i need to stop making goals for myself. i just get pissed at the end cause i never make them.
today i woke up, i ate, i watched tv, played cello until string broke, moved guitar into my room so it looks like i practiced, drew, vacuumed the hallway, bathroom, and stairs. in hopes someone will notice. cause they always seem to notice when i haven't done it...
i told myself i was going to clean my room, watching forgetting sarah marshal, clean the bathroom, break out my vinyl, put old clothes in a bag for good will, do my lab analysis, wash clothes, and my hair.
i did none of those.
which resulted in me trying to wash clothes while my mom was in the shower and wash my hair after the storm passed.
by the time my clothes were done and had to be put in the dryer, it was dark and the crickets were out. and since i have an irrational fear of bugs, i cried and cried hoping that someone would kill them for me, but they all refused. so now i have a soccer jersey covered in a think layer of febreeze, and i have to buy new socks from the school store. and by the time the storm passed, it was too late to wash my hair. now i have to do my lab analysis. i can't find anything in my room, my bathroom is almost gross, my drawers have way too much clothes in them, and my vinyl is standing upwards in a corner, covered in dust.
i dissapoint myself, basically.
in other news,
i realized there was a name for science meets medieval. steampunk.
i love that shit.
i want something steampunk for my birthday. i was gonna say keyboard, cause they're cool, but it doesn't really matter cause i have a laptop....
i wonder if i could go back to old Hollywood...
when presidents dropped blonde bombshells, instead of creating the perfect hell. the way we're living makes no sense. take me back to the age of innocence.
yesterday was a great day. from the MVA to the bed.
i waked right by
and took my permit test with his son while my mom briefly talked to him. i was one of the few that passed my test and got my permit. got starbucks and went driving and did surprisingly well.
i went to gaelles. hung out, cooked, and had fun while waiting for liz and yeram to arrive. liz and yeram arrived, and had even more fun. ran around the kitchen, were "lesbians" on gaelles bed, and repeatedly told liz that her boobs grew. we called tom and garret and told them to come over. suji and bina arrived the same time as tom and garret. we talked to the poor boys for about 2minutes before getting in the car.
we drove to hopkins and got out. we randomly walked, looking for the rec center, cause we had no idea where it was. asked random guys coming out of the dorm. they followed us for a while, correcting the way we went. then we ended up at dinning hall. after countless puddles and asking a few more people, we found it. we bought tickets. got stickers and pictures taken for websites. took pictures. got inside. watched concert. met jeff. went to lizs. then got picked up.
it was great.
yesterday was a great day. from the MVA to the bed.
i waked right by
and took my permit test with his son while my mom briefly talked to him. i was one of the few that passed my test and got my permit. got starbucks and went driving and did surprisingly well.i went to gaelles. hung out, cooked, and had fun while waiting for liz and yeram to arrive. liz and yeram arrived, and had even more fun. ran around the kitchen, were "lesbians" on gaelles bed, and repeatedly told liz that her boobs grew. we called tom and garret and told them to come over. suji and bina arrived the same time as tom and garret. we talked to the poor boys for about 2minutes before getting in the car.
we drove to hopkins and got out. we randomly walked, looking for the rec center, cause we had no idea where it was. asked random guys coming out of the dorm. they followed us for a while, correcting the way we went. then we ended up at dinning hall. after countless puddles and asking a few more people, we found it. we bought tickets. got stickers and pictures taken for websites. took pictures. got inside. watched concert. met jeff. went to lizs. then got picked up.
it was great.
my idea of fun is killing everyone.
my mom quit her job.
the job that made her sick, that made her tired, gave her headaches, and made her hair fall out. the job that was pretty much killing her.
she finally quit.
i'm happy for her. not only cause now she'll feel better, but i don't have to deal with her bitching anymore.
october 8th.
i asked what she was going to do and she said work from home/she didn't know. also, we're gonna be poor. we both laughed, cause we kinda knew it was somewhat true. i hope she gets a job she really likes and pays well.
in other news, the retreat was horrible and i almost cried multiple times, i need to get my hair done, i want to go to a concert tomorrow, and i need to see the boy. basically. FML. RBD.
it's only 8:15 and i could go to bed right now. but i'm not going to. i'm going to do stuff, cause there is stuff that needs to be done.
i love how i tell myself im going to do stuff when i know i'm just gonna go eat, watch tv, and go to bed. i can't will myself to do anything nowadays.
the job that made her sick, that made her tired, gave her headaches, and made her hair fall out. the job that was pretty much killing her.
she finally quit.
i'm happy for her. not only cause now she'll feel better, but i don't have to deal with her bitching anymore.
october 8th.
i asked what she was going to do and she said work from home/she didn't know. also, we're gonna be poor. we both laughed, cause we kinda knew it was somewhat true. i hope she gets a job she really likes and pays well.
in other news, the retreat was horrible and i almost cried multiple times, i need to get my hair done, i want to go to a concert tomorrow, and i need to see the boy. basically. FML. RBD.
it's only 8:15 and i could go to bed right now. but i'm not going to. i'm going to do stuff, cause there is stuff that needs to be done.
i love how i tell myself im going to do stuff when i know i'm just gonna go eat, watch tv, and go to bed. i can't will myself to do anything nowadays.
i just get myself the shivers...
i blame raalla.
we both blame raalla.
if it wasn't for her and her boy and their happiness over the weekend, zoey and i wouldn't feel this way in the slightest...i think....maybe...i don't know but i blame her.
i hate the tingly feeling underneath my skin, the need, the want.
i hate the emptiness.
i just hate it.
i want i want i want and i want. not only that i want but i need. and the fact that i can't have is driving me insane.
i'm gonna to find a way to get it. i have no idea how, but i'll find a way.
we both blame raalla.
if it wasn't for her and her boy and their happiness over the weekend, zoey and i wouldn't feel this way in the slightest...i think....maybe...i don't know but i blame her.
i hate the tingly feeling underneath my skin, the need, the want.
i hate the emptiness.
i just hate it.
i want i want i want and i want. not only that i want but i need. and the fact that i can't have is driving me insane.
i'm gonna to find a way to get it. i have no idea how, but i'll find a way.
you just a sad song...
with nothing to say about a life long, wait for a hospital stay. maybe we'll just shut up and play. you never really got it, no you never really got it at all...
it's true.
and i'm bored, my nose is sore [fucking bitch kicked the ball at my face] and stuffy. i have nothing that i can do that doesn't require energy, which is something i'm either lacking or don't want to use. i'm not sure.
yesterday this bisexual scene/emo boy friended me on myspace. he's cute, and scene/emo to the point where it's almost unbearable. i wish i knew him in real life. we could share make up and hair tips while going to shows.
i want to go to a show. like, tomorrow. really badly. like, it's killing me.
i guess i'll go eat dinner. it was ready like, 3-4 hours ago.
ugh, shoot me in the face.
it's true.
and i'm bored, my nose is sore [fucking bitch kicked the ball at my face] and stuffy. i have nothing that i can do that doesn't require energy, which is something i'm either lacking or don't want to use. i'm not sure.
yesterday this bisexual scene/emo boy friended me on myspace. he's cute, and scene/emo to the point where it's almost unbearable. i wish i knew him in real life. we could share make up and hair tips while going to shows.
i want to go to a show. like, tomorrow. really badly. like, it's killing me.
i guess i'll go eat dinner. it was ready like, 3-4 hours ago.
ugh, shoot me in the face.
chippin' around...
kick my brains round the floor. these are the days it never rains but it pours. it's the terror of knowing what this world is about. watching some good friends scream, "let me out!" pray tomorrow takes me higher.
turned away from it all like a blind man. sat on a fence but it don't work. keep coming up with love, but it's so slashed and torn. insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking. can't we give ourselves one more chance? why can't we give love that one more chance? cause love's such an old fashioned word, and love dares you to care for the people on the edge of the night, and love dares you to change our ways of caring about ourselves.
this is our last dance.
this is ourselves under pressure.
i love that song. it's been on repeat [the MCR and Used version] for a while now.
i've feeling so dead lately. i don't know why. i just don't have the energy or motive to do anything anymore. going to concerts alone really demonstrates the lack of friends one has. so does having a sleep over with two best friends. they were nothing but nice, cause they're your friends too. but still. it demonstrates.
urg. i think im getting sick.
mother fucker.
i don't want to go on this retreat next week. it's going to demonstrate it even more.
ahhhhh i don't even know anymore. i'm so tired. *falls asleep on laptop*
turned away from it all like a blind man. sat on a fence but it don't work. keep coming up with love, but it's so slashed and torn. insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking. can't we give ourselves one more chance? why can't we give love that one more chance? cause love's such an old fashioned word, and love dares you to care for the people on the edge of the night, and love dares you to change our ways of caring about ourselves.
this is our last dance.
this is ourselves under pressure.
i love that song. it's been on repeat [the MCR and Used version] for a while now.
i've feeling so dead lately. i don't know why. i just don't have the energy or motive to do anything anymore. going to concerts alone really demonstrates the lack of friends one has. so does having a sleep over with two best friends. they were nothing but nice, cause they're your friends too. but still. it demonstrates.
urg. i think im getting sick.
mother fucker.
i don't want to go on this retreat next week. it's going to demonstrate it even more.
ahhhhh i don't even know anymore. i'm so tired. *falls asleep on laptop*
she's nothing more than just a snake, a snake devil.
dear girl who still acts like a child,
shut. up.
it's none of your business what we do.
and even if you know it's not yours to talk about.
"he's my ex, i deserve to know."
actually, that's probably the biggest reason why you shouldn't know.
and the biggest reason why you shouldn't have told her.
it doesn't matter that you thought she knew, you shouldn't be fucking talking about it anyways.
why do you keep asking me about him?
you have your own boyfriend.
stop worrying about mine and worry about yours.
kthanks.
-girl who is severely pissed and wants to punch you in the ovaries so you go sterile.
the power of Christ compels you bitch.
shut. up.
it's none of your business what we do.
and even if you know it's not yours to talk about.
"he's my ex, i deserve to know."
actually, that's probably the biggest reason why you shouldn't know.
and the biggest reason why you shouldn't have told her.
it doesn't matter that you thought she knew, you shouldn't be fucking talking about it anyways.
why do you keep asking me about him?
you have your own boyfriend.
stop worrying about mine and worry about yours.
kthanks.
-girl who is severely pissed and wants to punch you in the ovaries so you go sterile.
the power of Christ compels you bitch.
never fall asleep, you won't wake up.
i want to write about last night, cause so many things happened.
but i can't bring myself to do it.
hanging with them made me think and realize things.
i've been home since a little before 12, and i've done nothing but lay in my bed.
i need to be productive, or something.
i need to do something with my life.
but i can't bring myself to do it.
hanging with them made me think and realize things.
i've been home since a little before 12, and i've done nothing but lay in my bed.
i need to be productive, or something.
i need to do something with my life.
random acts of kindness...
assures me that the whole world isn't going to shit.
the random guy giving me a piece of gum, the random girl letting me get closer to the stage, the random people helping me find my tshirt, and then the random girls that found it and gave it back.
and the boy got his phone back. *is joyous*
so yes, most of the world is falling to pieces and sucks.
but not the whole world.
and that's a nice, optimistic thought.
the concert last night was amazing.
i was pleasantly surprised by warships awesomeness. leathermouth was without a doubt epic. mc chris was great/funny. and so sweet. i felt bad that all the other shows he got booed and whatnot.
and reggie, oh reggie.
so.
amazing.
that show makes the top 5 of favorite shows, not including warped.
1.mcr
2.mcr
3.msi
4.reggie
5...i'm not sure yet im still deciding.
pictures up when i'm not at school.
:D
the random guy giving me a piece of gum, the random girl letting me get closer to the stage, the random people helping me find my tshirt, and then the random girls that found it and gave it back.
and the boy got his phone back. *is joyous*
so yes, most of the world is falling to pieces and sucks.
but not the whole world.
and that's a nice, optimistic thought.
the concert last night was amazing.
i was pleasantly surprised by warships awesomeness. leathermouth was without a doubt epic. mc chris was great/funny. and so sweet. i felt bad that all the other shows he got booed and whatnot.
and reggie, oh reggie.
so.
amazing.
that show makes the top 5 of favorite shows, not including warped.
1.mcr
2.mcr
3.msi
4.reggie
5...i'm not sure yet im still deciding.
pictures up when i'm not at school.
:D
artist. artists.
i want to start drawing again.
i used to draw all the time. i was amazing at anime characters, and i could draw things amazingly.
now i barley draw at all. i also want to paint more.
i started over the summer, and it lasted a grand total of two days. i want to do more.
i want to make music. i have a program to do it but i haven't touched it since i got it. my dad is getting me a tuner so i'll tune my electric and teach myself how to play. i'm gonna practice my classical guitar more and or harder.i'm going to attempt to work on my game. i'm not sure if i can with all the laziness that is infested in me. but i can sure damn try.
i am going to be an artist whose life revolves around sports and concerts.
i'm going to get good grades. mostly so i can go to concerts, and so my mom will leave me the fuck alone. and i'm going to take care of my hair more. mostly so it will grow cause i want long hair, and so, once again, my mom will leave me the fuck alone.
i'm going to listen to more music. more bands that are unheard of. get more into the scene, especially the local one. i'm going to change my wardrobe. actually get rid of everything i don't wear. and stop saving shit. i'm going to organize my room so it's efficient and shit.
i'm going to be healthy...er. i've been drinking a whole nalgene full of water and ice. and water at school. and i actually eat dinner now.
i'm determind this year. i don't know why, but i am.
hopefully, this year will be epic.
i used to draw all the time. i was amazing at anime characters, and i could draw things amazingly.
now i barley draw at all. i also want to paint more.
i started over the summer, and it lasted a grand total of two days. i want to do more.
i want to make music. i have a program to do it but i haven't touched it since i got it. my dad is getting me a tuner so i'll tune my electric and teach myself how to play. i'm gonna practice my classical guitar more and or harder.i'm going to attempt to work on my game. i'm not sure if i can with all the laziness that is infested in me. but i can sure damn try.
i am going to be an artist whose life revolves around sports and concerts.
i'm going to get good grades. mostly so i can go to concerts, and so my mom will leave me the fuck alone. and i'm going to take care of my hair more. mostly so it will grow cause i want long hair, and so, once again, my mom will leave me the fuck alone.
i'm going to listen to more music. more bands that are unheard of. get more into the scene, especially the local one. i'm going to change my wardrobe. actually get rid of everything i don't wear. and stop saving shit. i'm going to organize my room so it's efficient and shit.
i'm going to be healthy...er. i've been drinking a whole nalgene full of water and ice. and water at school. and i actually eat dinner now.
i'm determind this year. i don't know why, but i am.
hopefully, this year will be epic.
oh and...
and his name is freaking everywhere.
billboards - mitchells jewelry and furniture.
tv - stewie from family guy "ryan? greg? MITCHELL!?"
in this book that fell open.
EVERYWHERE.
they're taunting me.
billboards - mitchells jewelry and furniture.
tv - stewie from family guy "ryan? greg? MITCHELL!?"
in this book that fell open.
EVERYWHERE.
they're taunting me.
your voice was the soundtrack of my summer...
do you know you're unlike any other? you'll always be my thunder. your eyes are the brightest of all the colors, i don't wanna ever love another, you'll always be my thunder. so bring on the rain, and bring on the thunder.
fkjsadhgfhljkasf
*screams gibberish*
i. miss. him.
it's. not. fair.
i check my freaking phone in between classes hoping that he got his phone back and text me during his free time or something.
i miss his voice.
i miss his touch.
i miss his laugh.
i. miss. him.
grrrr.
today i talked about how paranoid i am about him, and how overprotective i am. i felt better cause j feels the same way.
"they didn't pick up their phone. oh my god. what if they were in a car accident? what if they're in a hold up? what if they choked on whatever they were eating? what if they got injured in sports? WHAT IF THEY'RE DEAD?"
the things that run through a girlfriends mind.
oh god. i feel like his mother or something. -_-;
anywho.
i hope he gets to talk to me soon.
i'm practically going insane. i mean, seriously? i had a dream about him last night. i can't remember what happened it in exactly, but i know he was in it.
i tend to have dreams about him when i haven't seen him in a while...
*snuggles into his sweatshirt*
fkjsadhgfhljkasf
*screams gibberish*
i. miss. him.
it's. not. fair.
i check my freaking phone in between classes hoping that he got his phone back and text me during his free time or something.
i miss his voice.
i miss his touch.
i miss his laugh.
i. miss. him.
grrrr.
today i talked about how paranoid i am about him, and how overprotective i am. i felt better cause j feels the same way.
"they didn't pick up their phone. oh my god. what if they were in a car accident? what if they're in a hold up? what if they choked on whatever they were eating? what if they got injured in sports? WHAT IF THEY'RE DEAD?"
the things that run through a girlfriends mind.
oh god. i feel like his mother or something. -_-;
anywho.
i hope he gets to talk to me soon.
i'm practically going insane. i mean, seriously? i had a dream about him last night. i can't remember what happened it in exactly, but i know he was in it.
i tend to have dreams about him when i haven't seen him in a while...
*snuggles into his sweatshirt*
crowded room...
i didn't even really want to go. i mean, i was going to go. i did think about it. but it came up so fast. i just didn't feel like it.
but they sure are persistent. persuading paige and i to hop in liz's car and go.
"can i wear your underware? mine are all sweaty and stuff."
"sure. oh sorry i only wear thongs."
really? only wear thongs?
"it's an unpickable wedgie!!" paigie screams.
and oh, it's so true.
i wore the shortest skirt that i've ever seen and one of her tanktops. i put on her makeup and did my hair with her flatiron. everything i wore that night except my shoes were hers. a few of us were like that actually.
we got ready and told secrets, ate food, took pictures, and envied the german girl for her beauty. then we hopped into the car. hannah sitting on top of me, and leah, on whoever she was on.
when we arrived, jada and jazz got out of the car in front of us. we all hopped out and ran to catch up. once inside we hit the dance floor.
so. many. people.
leah and newman got boys almost instantly, too bad leahs boy was a stalker. that followed us when we went to get water, then found her two hours later while she was with another guy.
we were there for 5 minutes and it already felt like we had taken a shower.
after many songs, leahs 7th boy, newmans 5th, g's 2nd hookup, and 2hours, someone started to danced with me. then leah was on her 8th, j was on her 1000th probably, bri was on her...idk. but she was on one.
j...was being a whore. to say the least. so much that during her 1900th boy, she got tapped out for about 20 minutes. anywho, back to what i was saying.
we danced for 2 songs. i forget the first one, but then we danced to low. and leah got sandwiched and she was happy. so i danced with this guy and j had sex with clothes on and the song ended. before he left he handed me his phone. of course, being me, i panicked and gave him my number.
many were shocked.
but it comforted me to know the j gave out hers to at least 2 and she has a boyfriend as well. it also comforted me when, at the end, we were sitting together and she was pointing out all she danced with and said, "see that? that's mine." "what about your bf?" "oh. damn."
she almost forgot. not only did i laugh, but it assured me that i wasn't being a whore/slut in anyway...really...compared to her at least.
all in the name of fun they said. besides, he'll probably never call. and if he does, it's not like im gonna do anything with him.
maybe hang out once or twice, but it will deff be a group thing.
anywho, j got tapped out, leah had her 10th, newman had her 7th, i danced around with paigie, liz, and more. when we only had 30 minutes we peaced out and sat in the air conditioned cafeteria and talked until it was time to go.
all our clothes were drenched. and i mean, jumped into a pool fully clothed drenched. it was disgusting.
but we had fun.
and i saw joe, who i haven't seen in like, a year or two. he's still really short. its funny.
i saw a lot more people i knew.
i had fun.
my foot hurts from soccer practice.
and now more than ever i freaking miss the boy and he should be unpunished and get online and talk to me.
in other news,
AVENGED SEVENFOLD TOMORROW HOLY FUCK IM SO EXCITED.
but they sure are persistent. persuading paige and i to hop in liz's car and go.
"can i wear your underware? mine are all sweaty and stuff."
"sure. oh sorry i only wear thongs."
really? only wear thongs?
"it's an unpickable wedgie!!" paigie screams.
and oh, it's so true.
i wore the shortest skirt that i've ever seen and one of her tanktops. i put on her makeup and did my hair with her flatiron. everything i wore that night except my shoes were hers. a few of us were like that actually.
we got ready and told secrets, ate food, took pictures, and envied the german girl for her beauty. then we hopped into the car. hannah sitting on top of me, and leah, on whoever she was on.
when we arrived, jada and jazz got out of the car in front of us. we all hopped out and ran to catch up. once inside we hit the dance floor.
so. many. people.
leah and newman got boys almost instantly, too bad leahs boy was a stalker. that followed us when we went to get water, then found her two hours later while she was with another guy.
we were there for 5 minutes and it already felt like we had taken a shower.
after many songs, leahs 7th boy, newmans 5th, g's 2nd hookup, and 2hours, someone started to danced with me. then leah was on her 8th, j was on her 1000th probably, bri was on her...idk. but she was on one.
j...was being a whore. to say the least. so much that during her 1900th boy, she got tapped out for about 20 minutes. anywho, back to what i was saying.
we danced for 2 songs. i forget the first one, but then we danced to low. and leah got sandwiched and she was happy. so i danced with this guy and j had sex with clothes on and the song ended. before he left he handed me his phone. of course, being me, i panicked and gave him my number.
many were shocked.
but it comforted me to know the j gave out hers to at least 2 and she has a boyfriend as well. it also comforted me when, at the end, we were sitting together and she was pointing out all she danced with and said, "see that? that's mine." "what about your bf?" "oh. damn."
she almost forgot. not only did i laugh, but it assured me that i wasn't being a whore/slut in anyway...really...compared to her at least.
all in the name of fun they said. besides, he'll probably never call. and if he does, it's not like im gonna do anything with him.
maybe hang out once or twice, but it will deff be a group thing.
anywho, j got tapped out, leah had her 10th, newman had her 7th, i danced around with paigie, liz, and more. when we only had 30 minutes we peaced out and sat in the air conditioned cafeteria and talked until it was time to go.
all our clothes were drenched. and i mean, jumped into a pool fully clothed drenched. it was disgusting.
but we had fun.
and i saw joe, who i haven't seen in like, a year or two. he's still really short. its funny.
i saw a lot more people i knew.
i had fun.
my foot hurts from soccer practice.
and now more than ever i freaking miss the boy and he should be unpunished and get online and talk to me.
in other news,
AVENGED SEVENFOLD TOMORROW HOLY FUCK IM SO EXCITED.
skip school, start fights...
HIT THE LIGHTS.
so. much. work.
it's the first legit day of school and i'm drowning in work.
i'm already failing, and we haven't turned in one assignment.
but i did dye my googles pretty colors in my chem class...YAY MY CHEM. LIKE MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE. *spazzes* that makes me happpppy!!
guitar starts on the 17th. i should probably get on that.
they boy is grounded for having a fight with his parents.
i don't know what they fought about, but i have a feeling it is at least partially my fault.
i'm sorry. i don't like it when your punished. especially if it's because of me.
i wear his hoodie in all the buildings except hardy, cause that shit is hott.
when i pass people they say, "that hoodie is so. big."
"it's not mine."
its quite funny.
french is going to be a bitch. i can already tell.
so is history. i'm not excited.
but i do like the fact that i have a morning free. i can do whatever for 70minutes. yayy!!
i'm kinda ticked at anna. not too much, but kinda.
i told her not to tell cause i was not ready to tell her.
and hilary, really?
i was not planning on telling her...but okay.
eh, whatever. what's done is done.
in non-school related words,
AVENGED SEVENFOLD ON SUNDAY OH MY FUCKING GODDDDDD.
oh, and i'm planning on strangling rachel a.
so. much. work.
it's the first legit day of school and i'm drowning in work.
i'm already failing, and we haven't turned in one assignment.
but i did dye my googles pretty colors in my chem class...YAY MY CHEM. LIKE MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE. *spazzes* that makes me happpppy!!
guitar starts on the 17th. i should probably get on that.
they boy is grounded for having a fight with his parents.
i don't know what they fought about, but i have a feeling it is at least partially my fault.
i'm sorry. i don't like it when your punished. especially if it's because of me.
i wear his hoodie in all the buildings except hardy, cause that shit is hott.
when i pass people they say, "that hoodie is so. big."
"it's not mine."
its quite funny.
french is going to be a bitch. i can already tell.
so is history. i'm not excited.
but i do like the fact that i have a morning free. i can do whatever for 70minutes. yayy!!
i'm kinda ticked at anna. not too much, but kinda.
i told her not to tell cause i was not ready to tell her.
and hilary, really?
i was not planning on telling her...but okay.
eh, whatever. what's done is done.
in non-school related words,
AVENGED SEVENFOLD ON SUNDAY OH MY FUCKING GODDDDDD.
oh, and i'm planning on strangling rachel a.
summer hair...
summer is officially over. it's quite upsetting.
im sitting in the kitchen with my laptop, wearing his hoodie, and thinking about all the things that happened this summer.
it was a good one.
okay, lied.
it was a great one.
not an ounce of me is excited for it to end. i've already seen everyone that i really want to.
im not excited for the work and waking up early.
not excited in the slightest.
urg,
this is upsetting.
it's a "school night."
-sighs-
im sitting in the kitchen with my laptop, wearing his hoodie, and thinking about all the things that happened this summer.
it was a good one.
okay, lied.
it was a great one.
not an ounce of me is excited for it to end. i've already seen everyone that i really want to.
im not excited for the work and waking up early.
not excited in the slightest.
urg,
this is upsetting.
it's a "school night."
-sighs-
summer nights.
all summer nights should be like last night. minus the, "i'm leaving for boarding school" factor.
we ate hotdogs, hamburgers, cookies, candy, and chips. stole all the pink starburst, and put some of the wrappers around the other flavors. played apples to apples. "raped" one another. screamed out obscenities, and basically whatever came to mind. mulan was sung, and whatever songs played on the ihome. and ralphies boy kept singing "i kissed a boy."
what resulted was a few new friends and a bunch of inside jokes. one of which includes me wiping out on the grass/cement.
i got a spit covered starburst stuck to me. it was gross.
thanks alex.
and many m&ms thrown at me.
thanks alex and louise.
ralphie finally met the boy, which was good. and i saw paigie, which made me extra happy. and ralphies boy was hilarious and nice, [they were so cute together!] and tucker was hilarious as well.
and the boy read dr. seuss to me! yay dr. seuss!!
and the girl needs to get over herself. im glad she didn't start shit and just ignored him. but really, get over it. i got over larry and all the shit he did to me. she can get over what happened between them.
but whatever.
it was fun.
i''ll miss kerry.
and i can't wait to see the boy monday.
:D
but seriously.
all summer nights should be like that.
we ate hotdogs, hamburgers, cookies, candy, and chips. stole all the pink starburst, and put some of the wrappers around the other flavors. played apples to apples. "raped" one another. screamed out obscenities, and basically whatever came to mind. mulan was sung, and whatever songs played on the ihome. and ralphies boy kept singing "i kissed a boy."
what resulted was a few new friends and a bunch of inside jokes. one of which includes me wiping out on the grass/cement.
i got a spit covered starburst stuck to me. it was gross.
thanks alex.
and many m&ms thrown at me.
thanks alex and louise.
ralphie finally met the boy, which was good. and i saw paigie, which made me extra happy. and ralphies boy was hilarious and nice, [they were so cute together!] and tucker was hilarious as well.
and the boy read dr. seuss to me! yay dr. seuss!!
and the girl needs to get over herself. im glad she didn't start shit and just ignored him. but really, get over it. i got over larry and all the shit he did to me. she can get over what happened between them.
but whatever.
it was fun.
i''ll miss kerry.
and i can't wait to see the boy monday.
:D
but seriously.
all summer nights should be like that.
soccer in the rain.
we played soccer in the rain.
at first we didn't want to go outside, but after a while it wasn't too bad. soon it was 3 on 3 and the rain started again. then it became harder. then our coach said that we'd call it a day. normally, we'd be all for it. but we surrounded her, and begged her to let us play world cup.
by the end, we were soaked straight through our underwear. we decided that we didn't need to shower or wash our hair.
we shook ourselves like dogs, splashed in puddles, and more.
it was fun.
we should play in the pouring rain more often.
at first we didn't want to go outside, but after a while it wasn't too bad. soon it was 3 on 3 and the rain started again. then it became harder. then our coach said that we'd call it a day. normally, we'd be all for it. but we surrounded her, and begged her to let us play world cup.
by the end, we were soaked straight through our underwear. we decided that we didn't need to shower or wash our hair.
we shook ourselves like dogs, splashed in puddles, and more.
it was fun.
we should play in the pouring rain more often.
these bright lights have always blinded me.
the lights are so bright in stadiums. it would look like day, if the shadows didn't go in every which direction.
it was fun. the car ride there was amusing, and full of profanity, yelling, and laughter. it was great to be at a game, even with the 2 white trash couples in front of us. one of which gave her boyfriend a handjob under the jersey he wore. the adventure trying to find the car was fun, and so was the car ride home. everything about it was fun, even though we lost by one.
there was some great plays.
some horrible cheerleading.
and cheerleaders with oversized boobs.
we've decided to take hilary one day, and sit her right in front of the cheerleaders. it shall be great.
but shhhh she doesn't know it yet.
it was fun. the car ride there was amusing, and full of profanity, yelling, and laughter. it was great to be at a game, even with the 2 white trash couples in front of us. one of which gave her boyfriend a handjob under the jersey he wore. the adventure trying to find the car was fun, and so was the car ride home. everything about it was fun, even though we lost by one.
there was some great plays.
some horrible cheerleading.
and cheerleaders with oversized boobs.
we've decided to take hilary one day, and sit her right in front of the cheerleaders. it shall be great.
but shhhh she doesn't know it yet.
rumored nights...
24 girls. 20 showed up. 18 slept over.
we watched greek twice, though half of us weren't actually watching. then a voice rang out, "anyone who wants to play never have i ever, come here."
instantly everyone not near got up and walked over. within 2min someone had all ten fingers up.
"i'll explain myself! ...i was counting for her and she was counting for me."
'she' only had 3 fingers up.
we heard about first kisses, worse hook ups, drunk stories, and more. we found out who were secret freaks, who acts like freaks but really aren't, and who's innocent as fuck. we slept until forever. ate a lot of breakfast. many left until there was only 5 of us. we hung out a lot and talked shit about stupid whores, ate at evergreen. then went to horrible, awful, dreadful practice.
but it was great.
team sleepovers should happen more often.
we watched greek twice, though half of us weren't actually watching. then a voice rang out, "anyone who wants to play never have i ever, come here."
instantly everyone not near got up and walked over. within 2min someone had all ten fingers up.
"i'll explain myself! ...i was counting for her and she was counting for me."
'she' only had 3 fingers up.
we heard about first kisses, worse hook ups, drunk stories, and more. we found out who were secret freaks, who acts like freaks but really aren't, and who's innocent as fuck. we slept until forever. ate a lot of breakfast. many left until there was only 5 of us. we hung out a lot and talked shit about stupid whores, ate at evergreen. then went to horrible, awful, dreadful practice.
but it was great.
team sleepovers should happen more often.
purple marks of love/lust/whatever.
mhm...yeah...theres really nothing to say about that.
i didnt even noticed until we were walking his dog, and he stopped to turn my head. then hours later i saw the marks in my bathroom mirror. im not sure whether they were put there by his hands or teeth. i was kinda...distracted.
on a weirder note, by dad video chatted with me, cause apparently my sister taught him how to do it. haha.
she's on her own...kinda.
it's her 3rd year in college, but this year she has a house. she's on her own but not. who cooks? erica and dora. who cleans? probably not her. but she is more on her own than before, and that thought kinda scares me. someone asked her age and i said 18 the same time she said 20. i still believe she's 18. i refuse to believe that she is any older because she is my sister and she should still be in school with me. "last spring" sort of made me realize that she is in fact in college, and shit does in fact happen. and that i will too be in college soon, and may have to go through what she did.
i guess im just scared of time.
i could have sworn it was yesterday that i walked into K/T and she walked into 5th grade. or last week that i walked into dickyville and she walked into 3rd grade.
i don't like the pace my life is going. which is fast.
haha, i'm listening to fast times at barrington high, how ironic.
in other news, i've rediscovered my love for my chemical romance and the revenge era.
and for gerard way. i stayed up late one night to watch life on the murder scene in it's entirety while dictating it to bria. no matter how many times i see it i cry/almost cry. especially at the parts about his "rock bottomness" and at the end. it's just so sad!
i need to find a way to get the black parade is dead! mexico on my ipod. it's driving me crazy that only the NJ show gets put on my computer.
i also rediscovered my love for wil francis. like, with a fiery passion haha.
and finally,
I'M GOING TO SEE THEM ON THE 9TH HOLY FUCK I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!
ahh i could scream from my excitedness.
then on the 11th i'm going to see,
withhhhhh,
i think i'm going to die from the epicness.
:D
i guess im just scared of time.
i could have sworn it was yesterday that i walked into K/T and she walked into 5th grade. or last week that i walked into dickyville and she walked into 3rd grade.
i don't like the pace my life is going. which is fast.
haha, i'm listening to fast times at barrington high, how ironic.
in other news, i've rediscovered my love for my chemical romance and the revenge era.
and for gerard way. i stayed up late one night to watch life on the murder scene in it's entirety while dictating it to bria. no matter how many times i see it i cry/almost cry. especially at the parts about his "rock bottomness" and at the end. it's just so sad!
i need to find a way to get the black parade is dead! mexico on my ipod. it's driving me crazy that only the NJ show gets put on my computer.
i also rediscovered my love for wil francis. like, with a fiery passion haha.
and finally,
I'M GOING TO SEE THEM ON THE 9TH HOLY FUCK I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!
ahh i could scream from my excitedness.
then on the 11th i'm going to see,
withhhhhh,
i think i'm going to die from the epicness.
:D
miscarriages and confusion.
my cousin is no longer pregnant. it was probably a blessing in disguise, but it's still sad.
i saw the boy for the first time in forever. it was amazingly amazing and and and *huggles*
i hate soccer tryouts. well, i only hate them cause its way too hot. besides that it's not too bad. but i am frustrated with people who like, give up. we were running suicide sprints and after like, the 2nd one a few people just stopped. seriously? i don't know, it just makes me mad. cause everyone else is pushing themselves, having asthma attacks and still running. and these people just, 'oh no, i'm out of breath. let me sit down and not finish.' urg fuck that. grow some ovaries and run dammit. it actually won't kill you. you need to lose weight anyways...
and once again, i do not want to deal with anyone from school. like, i just don't.
and now my friend is telling me how risky sex is [condoms break, leak, and slip off all the time!!], how no boy is special, how you're only gonna get hurt in the end [physically and emotionally]
this is a cute picture of adam :D
...its too big for the width of the blog...xD
i saw the boy for the first time in forever. it was amazingly amazing and and and *huggles*
i hate soccer tryouts. well, i only hate them cause its way too hot. besides that it's not too bad. but i am frustrated with people who like, give up. we were running suicide sprints and after like, the 2nd one a few people just stopped. seriously? i don't know, it just makes me mad. cause everyone else is pushing themselves, having asthma attacks and still running. and these people just, 'oh no, i'm out of breath. let me sit down and not finish.' urg fuck that. grow some ovaries and run dammit. it actually won't kill you. you need to lose weight anyways...
and once again, i do not want to deal with anyone from school. like, i just don't.
and now my friend is telling me how risky sex is [condoms break, leak, and slip off all the time!!], how no boy is special, how you're only gonna get hurt in the end [physically and emotionally]
her: im just tryin to like
....
help u in the longterm
i dont want u to end up....
well.
mm
her: and it fucks with u
even if u dont think it will. it does.
and like...when ur...30...40..50...
ur gonna remember...
that..when u were 15 u had sex with .....[mitch]
what is that going to mean...when you're that old
and looking back
and like...r you going to wish u had waited for somthing more substantial that a highschool boyfriend..who....4 months down the line.....dosnt matter anymore
love is fleeting.
and now im having second thoughts and i hate having second thoughts cause then i get confused and i go crazy and it's horrible. i know shes trying to help and i really do appreciate that but still... i feel as if the time comes i will either not think about that at all, or cant stop and start crying. either way, now im thinking way more than i have all summer and i kinda wish rachael was online so i can talk to her.
someone should stop me from thinking...
and now im having second thoughts and i hate having second thoughts cause then i get confused and i go crazy and it's horrible. i know shes trying to help and i really do appreciate that but still... i feel as if the time comes i will either not think about that at all, or cant stop and start crying. either way, now im thinking way more than i have all summer and i kinda wish rachael was online so i can talk to her.
someone should stop me from thinking...
this is a cute picture of adam :D
...its too big for the width of the blog...xD
just one more night...
and i'm coming off this long and winding road. i'm on my way home sweet home.
i want to go home. with the passion of a thousand suns. i know i'm coming home tomorrow, but i've wanted to be home since about saturday.
and i don't want to go back to school. i don't want to see school people. i don't want to deal with school people. i don't want to do school work. i don't want to study. i don't want to stress.
i want to go back to camp. i want to play with mason, ned, william, jullian, and the few strays in the morning. i want to talk to kim and julia during free time. i want to watch them sing and dance during music, while talking with jackie. i want to play with them in the pool, and wrap them in my towel while screaming about the lights going out. i want to color with them during art, and sleep with them and jackie during nap. and play with kim, julia, josh, and anyone else who wants to during carpool. i want to hear gina's sarcastic comments and be apart of her elaborate pranks. i want to be stupid with ayanna, janelle, and jamie. i want to talk about music with melissa, and school with ana.
i hate summer.
it always brings good memories, and leaves way to soon.
in other news micheal phelps won 8 gold medals.
good going brah.
i want to go home. with the passion of a thousand suns. i know i'm coming home tomorrow, but i've wanted to be home since about saturday.
and i don't want to go back to school. i don't want to see school people. i don't want to deal with school people. i don't want to do school work. i don't want to study. i don't want to stress.
i want to go back to camp. i want to play with mason, ned, william, jullian, and the few strays in the morning. i want to talk to kim and julia during free time. i want to watch them sing and dance during music, while talking with jackie. i want to play with them in the pool, and wrap them in my towel while screaming about the lights going out. i want to color with them during art, and sleep with them and jackie during nap. and play with kim, julia, josh, and anyone else who wants to during carpool. i want to hear gina's sarcastic comments and be apart of her elaborate pranks. i want to be stupid with ayanna, janelle, and jamie. i want to talk about music with melissa, and school with ana.
i hate summer.
it always brings good memories, and leaves way to soon.
in other news micheal phelps won 8 gold medals.
good going brah.
disenchanted...
i can't take it.
my moms best friend forever, my sisters godmother, and my forever loved 'aunt' and all the drama in her life.
my cousin who's eggo is oh so preggo, who has the most polite and manly boyfriend she has ever had, but turns out to be just as crazy underneath.
the ending of camp, which signals the beginning of school is almost upon us.
which then signals the beginning of all the stress of school friends and school work. my mother looming over me, slowly taking away the only things that make me sane because i do not have the attention span to do well in my classes. then the need to do well in sports will plague me.
and i just do not want to deal with the warnings. i don't want to have to put my guard up. i liked being so vulnerable in this circumstance. you'd think i would have learned bu now. but i guess some things never change. and i know they are warning me to protect me. i know they are just trying to help. but i don't want to hear it. i just don't want to hear it. think about it. anything. i want to just live in my little unrealistic, fantasy bubble and be happy. and i know that i can't but i want to so so badly.
i just can't handle all these things. especially at once. there's so many more but i can't control all my little thoughts enough to make them into an actual sentence, and actually something that i can express.
i don't want people to worry about me.
i don't want anyone to question me about this.
i just want to lay down and sleep and be still and quiet.
my moms best friend forever, my sisters godmother, and my forever loved 'aunt' and all the drama in her life.
my cousin who's eggo is oh so preggo, who has the most polite and manly boyfriend she has ever had, but turns out to be just as crazy underneath.
the ending of camp, which signals the beginning of school is almost upon us.
which then signals the beginning of all the stress of school friends and school work. my mother looming over me, slowly taking away the only things that make me sane because i do not have the attention span to do well in my classes. then the need to do well in sports will plague me.
and i just do not want to deal with the warnings. i don't want to have to put my guard up. i liked being so vulnerable in this circumstance. you'd think i would have learned bu now. but i guess some things never change. and i know they are warning me to protect me. i know they are just trying to help. but i don't want to hear it. i just don't want to hear it. think about it. anything. i want to just live in my little unrealistic, fantasy bubble and be happy. and i know that i can't but i want to so so badly.
i just can't handle all these things. especially at once. there's so many more but i can't control all my little thoughts enough to make them into an actual sentence, and actually something that i can express.
i don't want people to worry about me.
i don't want anyone to question me about this.
i just want to lay down and sleep and be still and quiet.
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