i need one, like bert and gerard used to be.
zoey?
maybe.
liz? asian? probably not.
what the fuck. i need new friends. i need to go to concerts. blahhh.
no one seems to be happy about my necklace but me, and ellen.
but thats just because ellen is a rad person that doesnt judge someone cause they have a lock on their neck.
liz, asian, and i went looking for a place to smoke. couldn't find one. so they went to the parking garage, WITHOUT me during lunch. they couldn't find me. blahhh i wanted to gooooo.
zoey wasnt at school and wasnt texting me. i wasnt worried until i pretended to be, then i actually became worried. she texted me later. whatever.
i got glasses [not real.]
and i have basketball. my whole body aches, i dont wanna gooooooo. blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
i'm in a blah mood.
liz is home. i missed her sooo!
but thats just because ellen is a rad person that doesnt judge someone cause they have a lock on their neck.
liz, asian, and i went looking for a place to smoke. couldn't find one. so they went to the parking garage, WITHOUT me during lunch. they couldn't find me. blahhh i wanted to gooooo.
zoey wasnt at school and wasnt texting me. i wasnt worried until i pretended to be, then i actually became worried. she texted me later. whatever.
i got glasses [not real.]
and i have basketball. my whole body aches, i dont wanna gooooooo. blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
i'm in a blah mood.
liz is home. i missed her sooo!
connor is at it again.
and i found my preschool crush on facebook.
o_o
my mom and i were talking about all my preschool friends, and he's the only one that i could remember his last name. and he knows some of my friends o_o
my legs hurt like fuck.
like fuckity fuck.
like, ouch it hurts to go up and down stairs.
i have two games tomorrow, with one game break in between. i'm not excited. :/
and i have a 5-6 page paperabout poetry of bullshit to write and i have less than a page done.
my room is a complete, and utter mess. mostly because of the suitcases but still.
and my shirt smells like bacon from this morning o_o.
but on the brightside, i did see the boy tonight [or would it be last night?], and it was amazing because i love him. and i got an iron maiden shirt to cut and make girlish/cute. i'm excited for that. and CK, GP, ND, and LM were at the mall, and i tried to avoid them to save the boy from embarassment, but i was spotted. haha but it was funny. i love them. imma be sad when they graduate. so that was good, but everything else, blahhh.
blah blah blah blah blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
...i've been blogging like whoa lately.
o_o
my mom and i were talking about all my preschool friends, and he's the only one that i could remember his last name. and he knows some of my friends o_o
my legs hurt like fuck.
like fuckity fuck.
like, ouch it hurts to go up and down stairs.
i have two games tomorrow, with one game break in between. i'm not excited. :/
and i have a 5-6 page paper
my room is a complete, and utter mess. mostly because of the suitcases but still.
and my shirt smells like bacon from this morning o_o.
but on the brightside, i did see the boy tonight [or would it be last night?], and it was amazing because i love him. and i got an iron maiden shirt to cut and make girlish/cute. i'm excited for that. and CK, GP, ND, and LM were at the mall, and i tried to avoid them to save the boy from embarassment, but i was spotted. haha but it was funny. i love them. imma be sad when they graduate. so that was good, but everything else, blahhh.
blah blah blah blah blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
...i've been blogging like whoa lately.
dear diary,
my teen angst bullshit has a body count. i believe it's six, going on seven now.
the beginning of today was fantastic.
the end was horrible.
fuck me.
i hate my mother.
but liz and sujia are home and i'm especially excited for liz. i'm not sure how i managed without her.
the beginning of today was fantastic.
the end was horrible.
fuck me.
i hate my mother.
but liz and sujia are home and i'm especially excited for liz. i'm not sure how i managed without her.
resuscitation of a dead man.
 |
i wore my necklace all night. i love it.
i have a game today, then i believe i'm hanging with the boy. i'm so so excited to see him. even though i saw him yesterday for only a minute.
i feel bad cause when i saw him i started crying.
these last two weeks have kinda sucked. especially now cause i'm on my ... and i hurt.
blahhhhhhhhh.
anywho. yeah. hopefully today will be good.
besides all that depressing shit.
i really want my sid vicious necklace. hopefully it'll come tomorrow.
this is for the pills that never fucking work,
but it's hard to see blood on a black tshirt.
i took two and i felt nothing but a slight headache. [which i think is not even the pills fault.]
asian took two [or one? cant remember] and she was gonnnnnne. ZCs didnt kick in until the end of school. maybe mine is starting to work...i feel weird. but what the fuck it was taken 4hours ago.
ah whatever.
AG is being too motherly. i know its her nature and thats who she is but its pissing me off [oh yeah, its kicked in.]
she's mad at me cause i smoke and its not pot. cause cigarettes can fuck up my lungs [smoke in general fucks up your lungs.] and its not like i go home and smoke a pack. its more like, when i'm out with my friends i'll have one, maybe two. then she pulls me aside while i'm trying to go to the car with my screaming mom. "did she give you pills and not tell you what they were?"
for the record. no.
i knew exactly what they would do to me and the side effects and everything. just cause we didnt know the name doesnt mean they were mystery pills.
and rachel A is an obnoxious jackass. she's uncalled for. especially when she came into the dark room. that was disgusting and it pissed me off. besides that i printed nice/pretty pictures of ZC. she's photogenic. every picture i take of her comes out very nice.
so i realized that i have this sick sort of romance with pain and death and all things sick and twisted. i like flirting with pain. its fun to push myself to the limit. how long can i go without eating? how hard/many times can i hit this bruise before i flinch? how long can i last without taking anything for my cramps/headache? and these pills are making me nauseous and giving me a headache...i'm probably gonna take three the next time.
i like being destructive.
but it's not like i'm going on a downhill spiral. i'm not destructive everyday. just sometimes. and its fun.
i'm worried about the asian. she almost cried in my arms today. she was sobbing, but the tears didnt fall. i'm worried about ZC. basically because she doesn't feel but she does. she feels bad and horrible, she feels drugs and hyper and crazy. but she doesn't feel. i'm worried about liz too. i was worried before she left for france, and now that shes there and i can't keep an eye on her, i'm very worried. i hope she's okay.
i took two and i felt nothing but a slight headache. [which i think is not even the pills fault.]
asian took two [or one? cant remember] and she was gonnnnnne. ZCs didnt kick in until the end of school. maybe mine is starting to work...i feel weird. but what the fuck it was taken 4hours ago.
ah whatever.
AG is being too motherly. i know its her nature and thats who she is but its pissing me off [oh yeah, its kicked in.]
she's mad at me cause i smoke and its not pot. cause cigarettes can fuck up my lungs [smoke in general fucks up your lungs.] and its not like i go home and smoke a pack. its more like, when i'm out with my friends i'll have one, maybe two. then she pulls me aside while i'm trying to go to the car with my screaming mom. "did she give you pills and not tell you what they were?"
for the record. no.
i knew exactly what they would do to me and the side effects and everything. just cause we didnt know the name doesnt mean they were mystery pills.
and rachel A is an obnoxious jackass. she's uncalled for. especially when she came into the dark room. that was disgusting and it pissed me off. besides that i printed nice/pretty pictures of ZC. she's photogenic. every picture i take of her comes out very nice.
so i realized that i have this sick sort of romance with pain and death and all things sick and twisted. i like flirting with pain. its fun to push myself to the limit. how long can i go without eating? how hard/many times can i hit this bruise before i flinch? how long can i last without taking anything for my cramps/headache? and these pills are making me nauseous and giving me a headache...i'm probably gonna take three the next time.
i like being destructive.
but it's not like i'm going on a downhill spiral. i'm not destructive everyday. just sometimes. and its fun.
i'm worried about the asian. she almost cried in my arms today. she was sobbing, but the tears didnt fall. i'm worried about ZC. basically because she doesn't feel but she does. she feels bad and horrible, she feels drugs and hyper and crazy. but she doesn't feel. i'm worried about liz too. i was worried before she left for france, and now that shes there and i can't keep an eye on her, i'm very worried. i hope she's okay.
so i lied...kinda?
yes, i do want to. and yes, online i'm "always foo."
its only because im not prepared. when i see you, i'm prepared. i feel pretty, and nice, and sexy.
when i'm not with you, i don't get prepared. i never know when or when not you want to. so then i feel gross, and ugly and ick.
its hard enough sending regulars of me just in my uniform or sitting in the kitchen. i look so gross and i hate it.
so yeah, i'm like foo.
but its for a reason.
and i seriously want to.
i just cant :/
its only because im not prepared. when i see you, i'm prepared. i feel pretty, and nice, and sexy.
when i'm not with you, i don't get prepared. i never know when or when not you want to. so then i feel gross, and ugly and ick.
its hard enough sending regulars of me just in my uniform or sitting in the kitchen. i look so gross and i hate it.
so yeah, i'm like foo.
but its for a reason.
and i seriously want to.
i just cant :/
i wasn't gonna post this.
but fuck it. it's my blog and i'll say what i want and i dont want to hear or speak about it i just want to say it.
i want to be destructive.
i want to drink, and smoke, and get high, and fuck, and wake up the next morning with a headache, and go to school the next day and be okay. i want to cut my shirts, wear short skirts, paint my face, have long hair, and feel pretty for once. i want to look like bee, or louise, or someone. [i am often told i am beautiful, but i don't always feel it.]
i want to be with my friends more. i want to see them more i want to talk with them more, and actually talk not this bullshit about things that don't matter. and i want new/betterfriends. friends that don't go to school with me so they aren't caught up in all the drama my school is. i want a lot of outside friends like ZC, that i can text and hang with and be friends and it will all be okay.
i want to have legit adventures. i want to explore baltimore and go on road trips and lie to my parents and sneak out and have fun.
and whenever i hangout/hug the girl i remember why i used to love her and i start falling in love with her again. but its so different from the love i have for the boy. and i'd chose the boy over everyone in the world, i really would. but it's the feeling that i'm starting to have again. and its so fucking weird and i dont know why all of a sudden its starting to come back.
and i added all these fucking scene kids from myspace trains, and they're all so pretty and or cute and i want to know them all and urrrrrrrg. and i can't go to concerts anymore and i'm itching to go. i dont think my parents understand. it's not just an amusement thing anymore. it's a sanity thing. it's a happiness thing. theres only 4 things that make me happy anymore.
being with the boy, concerts, listening to music alone, and playing good basketball games.
but the concerts and basketball only truely take away the stress and let me get out all of my agression and anger, but basketball is only a temporary thing. as soon as i'm in the car and cooled down everything comes back again. but at concerts, i can mosh and sing and scream and push and crowd surf and get hit and meet people and its the most amazing thing. i come back from a concert and i'm tired and sweaty and i ache but i'm truely and absolutely happy.
and i get sad as soon as i leave the boy, so i guess thats temporary too. talking to him makes me happy too, but then i get sad cause i can't hug him or anything and jfaksfddhkas;fkjsadfjksad
i'm going insane.
and my mother is a huge reason why.
:/
i want to be destructive.
i want to drink, and smoke, and get high, and fuck, and wake up the next morning with a headache, and go to school the next day and be okay. i want to cut my shirts, wear short skirts, paint my face, have long hair, and feel pretty for once. i want to look like bee, or louise, or someone. [i am often told i am beautiful, but i don't always feel it.]
i want to be with my friends more. i want to see them more i want to talk with them more, and actually talk not this bullshit about things that don't matter. and i want new/betterfriends. friends that don't go to school with me so they aren't caught up in all the drama my school is. i want a lot of outside friends like ZC, that i can text and hang with and be friends and it will all be okay.
i want to have legit adventures. i want to explore baltimore and go on road trips and lie to my parents and sneak out and have fun.
and whenever i hangout/hug the girl i remember why i used to love her and i start falling in love with her again. but its so different from the love i have for the boy. and i'd chose the boy over everyone in the world, i really would. but it's the feeling that i'm starting to have again. and its so fucking weird and i dont know why all of a sudden its starting to come back.
and i added all these fucking scene kids from myspace trains, and they're all so pretty and or cute and i want to know them all and urrrrrrrg. and i can't go to concerts anymore and i'm itching to go. i dont think my parents understand. it's not just an amusement thing anymore. it's a sanity thing. it's a happiness thing. theres only 4 things that make me happy anymore.
being with the boy, concerts, listening to music alone, and playing good basketball games.
but the concerts and basketball only truely take away the stress and let me get out all of my agression and anger, but basketball is only a temporary thing. as soon as i'm in the car and cooled down everything comes back again. but at concerts, i can mosh and sing and scream and push and crowd surf and get hit and meet people and its the most amazing thing. i come back from a concert and i'm tired and sweaty and i ache but i'm truely and absolutely happy.
and i get sad as soon as i leave the boy, so i guess thats temporary too. talking to him makes me happy too, but then i get sad cause i can't hug him or anything and jfaksfddhkas;fkjsadfjksad
i'm going insane.
and my mother is a huge reason why.
:/
new reason to hate kayla.
she tried to break up ZC and her boy.
told her boy he didnt really love her, and he should go out with her best friend francis.
ew.
francis looks like a porn star [even aleeza said it, it must be true.] and shes a bitch.
apparently kaylas thinking was, my best friend should go out with my boyfriends best friend.
i hate her. i wonder what goes through her mind when she does shit like this and why she thinks it's a good idea. it never is.
AG was mad about this [she was there when it happened.] AG yelled. she yelled a lot. apparently porter ran away. i dont blame him. shes freaking scary when shes mad.
but i'm happy AG now understands why i roll my eyes or make a sound/cry out how much i hate her whenever her name is said. and no she won't yell at me when i do it. she'll probably join me.
ZC ran and i to find tilde and tell her that we had a new reason to hate kayla.
it's one of our favorite pasttimes...
IN OTHER NEWS.
i'm getting a sid vicious necklace. i'm uber pumped.
told her boy he didnt really love her, and he should go out with her best friend francis.
ew.
francis looks like a porn star [even aleeza said it, it must be true.] and shes a bitch.
apparently kaylas thinking was, my best friend should go out with my boyfriends best friend.
i hate her. i wonder what goes through her mind when she does shit like this and why she thinks it's a good idea. it never is.
AG was mad about this [she was there when it happened.] AG yelled. she yelled a lot. apparently porter ran away. i dont blame him. shes freaking scary when shes mad.
but i'm happy AG now understands why i roll my eyes or make a sound/cry out how much i hate her whenever her name is said. and no she won't yell at me when i do it. she'll probably join me.
ZC ran and i to find tilde and tell her that we had a new reason to hate kayla.
it's one of our favorite pasttimes...
IN OTHER NEWS.
i'm getting a sid vicious necklace. i'm uber pumped.
wearing shorts in march is nice.
seeing many different kinds of birds, that are only found in zoos back home is nice.
living in a gated community with a free golf course is nice.
not having to lock the doors in nice.
riding with the windows down is nice.
going to sonic is nice.
plam trees are nice.
but i am bored. there is nothing to do here but go to the pool and or the beach.
without a friend, i am terribly bored and lonely.
i want to go back home.
at least there i can go online without having to wait 10min and miss calls [fuck you AOL dial up.] and at home i can watch logo, and all the other digital cable channels.
at home i can be with my friends.
i cant wait until sunday.
living in a gated community with a free golf course is nice.
not having to lock the doors in nice.
riding with the windows down is nice.
going to sonic is nice.
plam trees are nice.
but i am bored. there is nothing to do here but go to the pool and or the beach.
without a friend, i am terribly bored and lonely.
i want to go back home.
at least there i can go online without having to wait 10min and miss calls [fuck you AOL dial up.] and at home i can watch logo, and all the other digital cable channels.
at home i can be with my friends.
i cant wait until sunday.
"so you can see this?"
"yes."
"im not getting your replies ><"
"i realized..." haha. ily.
today is our "baby anniversary." cant believe its been this long. everyone said that 8 and 9 months are the worst. which makes me smile, cause it hasnt been bad at allllll. *knocks on wood violently*
anywho,
i'm really tired. i think i'll go to bed soon.
i love you to death, more than anything.
i'd think of something better to say but sleepiness is taking over. and nothing i can say could ever ever ever express how i feel, or compare to the text you sent me this morning.
i've never been happier in my life, and i've never been more in love.
i want this to last forever.
i love you.
♥
"im not getting your replies ><"
"i realized..." haha. ily.
today is our "baby anniversary." cant believe its been this long. everyone said that 8 and 9 months are the worst. which makes me smile, cause it hasnt been bad at allllll. *knocks on wood violently*
anywho,
i'm really tired. i think i'll go to bed soon.
i love you to death, more than anything.
i'd think of something better to say but sleepiness is taking over. and nothing i can say could ever ever ever express how i feel, or compare to the text you sent me this morning.
i've never been happier in my life, and i've never been more in love.
i want this to last forever.
i love you.
♥
and then we woke up [story continued]
i woke up around 8:30. liz was already awake. i kept rolling over as she got up and read othello, then i fell back asleep.
i woke up again an hour later, and zoey woke up too. asian was still trying to sleep but we were talking so she couldnt.
i didnt feel sick.
that is until i stood up to go to the bathroom. but as soon as i came back and laid down i was fine again.
we all got dressed and went into the kitchen. zoey and liz couldnt eat, but asian and i were starving. when lizs mom came, we all went to einstien bagels.
the car was death. everytime i looked out the window i felt sick. so did zoey apparently. at one stop light, while i was texting the boy, liz goes. "oh my god dyllan did you just see that?" "no. what happened?" "i'll text you." i few seconds later i get a text that says -zoey just like spit a bunch out the window. like alot. like last night.
we got to the bagel shop, and some guy who had legs longer than i am tall started to check zoey out. "no, not now. please not now. urgggg."
we sat down and ate and talked, then departed. i was so surprised i didnt puke in lizs car. the worst was when we got closer to her house, cause the roads have bumps and speed bumps and i nearly died.
we got to her house and my dad came.
then i got home, took motrin, took a shower, and had to go to my cousins bday dinner.
my mom wanted me to read directions in the car. i already get headaches when i read in the car, but on top of a hangover, i got so sick, and she got mad at me. but whatever. at least i didnt throw up in her car.
that was pretty much it. twas eventful.
zoey said that she threw up all day, and all over the asians car.
my headache is gone thank god, and i'm gonna meet up with the boy in about an hour and a half.
imma go get ready.
:D
i woke up again an hour later, and zoey woke up too. asian was still trying to sleep but we were talking so she couldnt.
i didnt feel sick.
that is until i stood up to go to the bathroom. but as soon as i came back and laid down i was fine again.
we all got dressed and went into the kitchen. zoey and liz couldnt eat, but asian and i were starving. when lizs mom came, we all went to einstien bagels.
the car was death. everytime i looked out the window i felt sick. so did zoey apparently. at one stop light, while i was texting the boy, liz goes. "oh my god dyllan did you just see that?" "no. what happened?" "i'll text you." i few seconds later i get a text that says -zoey just like spit a bunch out the window. like alot. like last night.
we got to the bagel shop, and some guy who had legs longer than i am tall started to check zoey out. "no, not now. please not now. urgggg."
we sat down and ate and talked, then departed. i was so surprised i didnt puke in lizs car. the worst was when we got closer to her house, cause the roads have bumps and speed bumps and i nearly died.
we got to her house and my dad came.
then i got home, took motrin, took a shower, and had to go to my cousins bday dinner.
my mom wanted me to read directions in the car. i already get headaches when i read in the car, but on top of a hangover, i got so sick, and she got mad at me. but whatever. at least i didnt throw up in her car.
that was pretty much it. twas eventful.
zoey said that she threw up all day, and all over the asians car.
my headache is gone thank god, and i'm gonna meet up with the boy in about an hour and a half.
imma go get ready.
:D
story later. rant now.
maybe it's the angry music, or maybe i just realized it.
i'm fucking pissed.
she complains and moans and pushes me away.
then gets mad at me for going away.
and gets mad because of other things, and does nothing but complain.
i havent seen her try.
get over yourself.
there is so much more that i want to say.
but i wont. i'll lock those thoughts in my head and just be pissed.
pissed pissed pissed pissed pissed.
i'm fucking pissed.
she complains and moans and pushes me away.
then gets mad at me for going away.
and gets mad because of other things, and does nothing but complain.
i havent seen her try.
get over yourself.
there is so much more that i want to say.
but i wont. i'll lock those thoughts in my head and just be pissed.
pissed pissed pissed pissed pissed.
...and then the truck came. and i died.
left school 20min early.
liz, zoey and i.
got ice cream. and ate it in the middle of a sidewalk in front of a random house, while getting strange looks from the multiple passerbys. laid in liz's room until asian was back from golf. picked asian up and went to mall. ate at unos. then ran around mall looking a scene boys.
and because of lizs stupid high school musical movie that she put in my bag [which turned out to be useless anyways] the alarms went off whenever i went into a store. -_-; the victoria's secret lady was a bitch.
we judged people, and yelled skank and whore a lot. but, it was justified. who the fuck wears a mini skirt, tank top, wayyy too much makeup, and uggs. what the fuck is that? i hate when people do that. they don't look good, they look retarded. zoey told me that she judges people, but when she meets them she gives them a chance. i do that too. sometimes i think its bad.
we talked to "austin amazing." it was awkward. ashleys a creep.
i got a new hoodie and liz bought the laciest thongs she could find.
then we went to asians house, and told her mom we were tired and were gonna clonk out at 11. haha bullshit. we talked to ish, looked at skanks on myspace [taylor] and zoeys friends. we took many imac pictures and sang and humped and ate chips/melon.
finally, the parentals and asians brother went to bed.
we already had beer and vodka [vodka courtsey of moi] and asian stole the 40% from whereever she saw it.
we turned all the lights off and got outside, alcohol in hand. asian checked her dads car for cigarettes, but there were none. she put the keys back in the house, and we ran down the hill because happy the dog was no happy, and would not stop fucking barking. we went to the next cul de sac and sat in the middle of the circle. i've never had beer. i had the first sip. i loved it. we passed it around before asian yelled, "SHIT. i forgot the cigarettes. FUCK. i forgot the juice to mix everything with!"...or something to that affect. liz and asian went back as zoey and i waited. they came back and we lit up. they were nice. they were the thin kind. called capri. liz coughed at every breath she took. after they were gone, we all took a shot. then we went around and told secrets and took another. my second shot was a dumb idea. i mixed vodka with 40% [liquid poison i started to call it] i guess the first shot started to set it, cause i thought i could dilute the 40% with the vodka. it burned so much. i felt it in my nose and down to the feet.
liz was gone by two shots. she was convinced she wasnt, and walked in a straight line, but as she turned around, she collapsed. we laughed. i laid down and looked at the sky. when we left the sky was clear, but the clouds were coming in and blocking the stars and the alcohol was setting in. i started to laugh a little and sit up, then i heard a car. but i had been hearing cars all night from the other street, because it was dead silent in the neighborhood. but then we saw headlights coming up the hill. "oh SHIT."
we grabbed everything and ran to the bushes. i couldn't believe we had all made it because we were feeling a bit tipsy by that time. i thought i was going to fall and die. but i didnt :D they must've seen us. unless they were drunk too, which is a high possibility. it was passed 2:15 am.
we waiting in the bushes until they got in the house. we walked back. we were proud, the only thing we didn't grab was the water bottle cap. we even got the shot glasses and the bag we carried everything in. the whole time i was giggling. we walked out of the cul de sac and passed the house with a dog that was either barking to us, or happy. and sat behind a bush. by this time, we were drunk, except for the asian. the beer upset her stomach and she couldnt drink as much as normal. zoey and i finished off the vodka [i mixed mine with the poison, cranberry juice, AND ginger ale. what the hell was i thinking.] liz went off to do cart wheels. then came back and told everyone that she loved us multiple times while zoey hugged everyone/my legs and said "you're my favorite." asian tried to sober me up. "here, take it, it's vodka." "i'm not stupid its water you just wanna make me sober and i dont wanna-" she stuck the water bottle in my mouth and i took some. then zoey and i complained about "needing cock. now." somehow, i ended up laying on top of zoey, talking about the time that i laid on her hip and thought it was her cell phone cause she's so boney. then she proceeded to tell me about everyone she told that to. then somehow, while on top of her, i banged my head on the cement, and she laughed and hit hers. then liz asked us a question and we screamed "YES!" more happened. i cant exactly remember. i remember looking at the sky and having a mini freak out cause i couldnt tell which star was the north star cause the big dipper was covered in clouds. i remember crawling, and peeing behind bushes [zoey and i at separate times. and asian before we got realll drunk.] and spinning, and zoey and liz singing highschool musical. and me always shushing people so the dog would stop barking.
then i remember seeing zoey standing about to throw up. i came over and held her hair back, and for some reason, started to sing slave hymns about the big dipper. "follow the drinking gourd! follow the drinking gourd! for the old man is waiting so he can carry you to freedom, if you following the drinking gourd!" i learned this in lower school. i remember thinking that if i was sober, the way zoey threw up would freak me out and i'd probably scream. but since i was drunk, i laughed and said ew as it sprayed all across that poor persons yard. then i skipped around singing follow the drinking gourd. i tried to tell liz that we needed the clouds to move so we could follow the big dipper and north star to canada [or freedom...cant remember what i said.] but she was talking about...something else. zoey threw up more, i told liz how i knew i was in love, and zoey started to cry. we comforted her, but she kept crying, and saying she didnt want to be drunk anymore, and she hates crying. since i was upset cause zoey was, liz tried to distract me by asking about me and the boy, then i started talking and i cried.
it was time to go home and perhaps blackout.
i think zoey threw up again, and asian told us to be quiet. so i held lizs hand and cried silently as we walked back, while liz and zoey whispered. i didnt know what about cause i was upset. once we got back inside, i sent the boy and drunken, but completely honest text and laid on the bed with liz. asian cleaned out my water bottle and i squirmed because it was so bright. then the lights went off and i was officially out.
this is long. i'll post the rest later.
liz, zoey and i.
got ice cream. and ate it in the middle of a sidewalk in front of a random house, while getting strange looks from the multiple passerbys. laid in liz's room until asian was back from golf. picked asian up and went to mall. ate at unos. then ran around mall looking a scene boys.
and because of lizs stupid high school musical movie that she put in my bag [which turned out to be useless anyways] the alarms went off whenever i went into a store. -_-; the victoria's secret lady was a bitch.
we judged people, and yelled skank and whore a lot. but, it was justified. who the fuck wears a mini skirt, tank top, wayyy too much makeup, and uggs. what the fuck is that? i hate when people do that. they don't look good, they look retarded. zoey told me that she judges people, but when she meets them she gives them a chance. i do that too. sometimes i think its bad.
we talked to "austin amazing." it was awkward. ashleys a creep.
i got a new hoodie and liz bought the laciest thongs she could find.
then we went to asians house, and told her mom we were tired and were gonna clonk out at 11. haha bullshit. we talked to ish, looked at skanks on myspace [taylor] and zoeys friends. we took many imac pictures and sang and humped and ate chips/melon.
finally, the parentals and asians brother went to bed.
we already had beer and vodka [vodka courtsey of moi] and asian stole the 40% from whereever she saw it.
we turned all the lights off and got outside, alcohol in hand. asian checked her dads car for cigarettes, but there were none. she put the keys back in the house, and we ran down the hill because happy the dog was no happy, and would not stop fucking barking. we went to the next cul de sac and sat in the middle of the circle. i've never had beer. i had the first sip. i loved it. we passed it around before asian yelled, "SHIT. i forgot the cigarettes. FUCK. i forgot the juice to mix everything with!"...or something to that affect. liz and asian went back as zoey and i waited. they came back and we lit up. they were nice. they were the thin kind. called capri. liz coughed at every breath she took. after they were gone, we all took a shot. then we went around and told secrets and took another. my second shot was a dumb idea. i mixed vodka with 40% [liquid poison i started to call it] i guess the first shot started to set it, cause i thought i could dilute the 40% with the vodka. it burned so much. i felt it in my nose and down to the feet.
liz was gone by two shots. she was convinced she wasnt, and walked in a straight line, but as she turned around, she collapsed. we laughed. i laid down and looked at the sky. when we left the sky was clear, but the clouds were coming in and blocking the stars and the alcohol was setting in. i started to laugh a little and sit up, then i heard a car. but i had been hearing cars all night from the other street, because it was dead silent in the neighborhood. but then we saw headlights coming up the hill. "oh SHIT."
we grabbed everything and ran to the bushes. i couldn't believe we had all made it because we were feeling a bit tipsy by that time. i thought i was going to fall and die. but i didnt :D they must've seen us. unless they were drunk too, which is a high possibility. it was passed 2:15 am.
we waiting in the bushes until they got in the house. we walked back. we were proud, the only thing we didn't grab was the water bottle cap. we even got the shot glasses and the bag we carried everything in. the whole time i was giggling. we walked out of the cul de sac and passed the house with a dog that was either barking to us, or happy. and sat behind a bush. by this time, we were drunk, except for the asian. the beer upset her stomach and she couldnt drink as much as normal. zoey and i finished off the vodka [i mixed mine with the poison, cranberry juice, AND ginger ale. what the hell was i thinking.] liz went off to do cart wheels. then came back and told everyone that she loved us multiple times while zoey hugged everyone/my legs and said "you're my favorite." asian tried to sober me up. "here, take it, it's vodka." "i'm not stupid its water you just wanna make me sober and i dont wanna-" she stuck the water bottle in my mouth and i took some. then zoey and i complained about "needing cock. now." somehow, i ended up laying on top of zoey, talking about the time that i laid on her hip and thought it was her cell phone cause she's so boney. then she proceeded to tell me about everyone she told that to. then somehow, while on top of her, i banged my head on the cement, and she laughed and hit hers. then liz asked us a question and we screamed "YES!" more happened. i cant exactly remember. i remember looking at the sky and having a mini freak out cause i couldnt tell which star was the north star cause the big dipper was covered in clouds. i remember crawling, and peeing behind bushes [zoey and i at separate times. and asian before we got realll drunk.] and spinning, and zoey and liz singing highschool musical. and me always shushing people so the dog would stop barking.
then i remember seeing zoey standing about to throw up. i came over and held her hair back, and for some reason, started to sing slave hymns about the big dipper. "follow the drinking gourd! follow the drinking gourd! for the old man is waiting so he can carry you to freedom, if you following the drinking gourd!" i learned this in lower school. i remember thinking that if i was sober, the way zoey threw up would freak me out and i'd probably scream. but since i was drunk, i laughed and said ew as it sprayed all across that poor persons yard. then i skipped around singing follow the drinking gourd. i tried to tell liz that we needed the clouds to move so we could follow the big dipper and north star to canada [or freedom...cant remember what i said.] but she was talking about...something else. zoey threw up more, i told liz how i knew i was in love, and zoey started to cry. we comforted her, but she kept crying, and saying she didnt want to be drunk anymore, and she hates crying. since i was upset cause zoey was, liz tried to distract me by asking about me and the boy, then i started talking and i cried.
it was time to go home and perhaps blackout.
i think zoey threw up again, and asian told us to be quiet. so i held lizs hand and cried silently as we walked back, while liz and zoey whispered. i didnt know what about cause i was upset. once we got back inside, i sent the boy and drunken, but completely honest text and laid on the bed with liz. asian cleaned out my water bottle and i squirmed because it was so bright. then the lights went off and i was officially out.
this is long. i'll post the rest later.
why connor, why?
dude, i friended you on fb a few months ago and you didnt even remember me.
then randomly today you wanted to talk. which is all good, evan did that too...randomly. but whatever. we were all tight at camp.
then you want me to call you.
then you call me pretty.
then you tell me you hoped i didnt have a bf.
oh connor.
i was kinda catching on the more we talked, but i was hoping it wasnt true.
you totally made this way more awkward dude. totally.
:/
then randomly today you wanted to talk. which is all good, evan did that too...randomly. but whatever. we were all tight at camp.
then you want me to call you.
then you call me pretty.
then you tell me you hoped i didnt have a bf.
oh connor.
i was kinda catching on the more we talked, but i was hoping it wasnt true.
you totally made this way more awkward dude. totally.
:/
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