then again, i probably wouldn't love aiden, william control, marilyn manson, and whatnot if i was...
eh.

sometimes i wish i was in tune/love with god as matisyahu and whatnot.
eh.

oh hai scott.

you're one of those people who would be hot if your head wasnt shaped weird. i would feel terrible if i rejected you, then if we ended up working together.
don't take this seriously please. all i said was maybe.

kayyyyythanks.

and why the fuck does everyone keep saying my goddamn name!?

there's a weight on my shoulders.

and it drags me down whereever i go, whatever i do, and whenever i move.

blahhh 2009fuckingsucksgah.

p.s. god don't kill me in a terrible car accident or something. that would fucking suck. just stop giving me hell kaythanks.

why don't you just kill me in a horrible car accident?

then have me suffer like this?
huh god? why do you hate me?

i've kinda disappeared online..

i disappeared from the Rmy, S//C, myspace, buzznet, everywhere.
idk why but its strange.
i miss my rmy friends a lot though.


BANDIT LEE WAY.
gerard and lyn-z's DAUGHTERS name.
HA. i KNEWWW they were having a daughter and its suchhh a cute name oh my god.
im so happy for them.
and steve righ? had his baby girl violet.
aw aw aw aw rock babies!!!



oh devon.

well,

that was the worst hour and 15min of my life.
thank god its over.

the worst part is...

last night i went through my old phone and read all the text messages before i got my new phone between us.
i JUST ate the last piece of chocolate he gave me for valentines day today.
i just washed his hoodie and hung it on my door for me to wear tomorrow, and i has just put on the ring when he IMed me.
2009 is the worst year ever.
and god fucking hates me.
blah blah blah depressed words blah.
shoot me.

i still love him.

i love him with every fiber of my being and im going to continue to love him.
and i feel like slaughtering myself.
i cant do anything right now.
im going to die.
and the worst part is i could feel it coming, but i kept on wearing his ring and his hoodie and told myself it wasnt going to be hard. but it is. and i cant function.
and i hope he reads this so he knows. i really love him. and i dont know what to do.

i didnt talk to him all day...

:/


and it's all downhill from here.

i went with moose and zc to the new spot. i kinda wish moose wasnt there but whatever. i keep trying to tell myself, less than two weeks to deal with this shit, then it's over.
one minute more seems way too much for me though. i am so fucking sick of everyone and everything.
blarggg.
summer better be good or imma break.

i also hate life.

yep.


aidens new cd knives is actually amazing. much better than conviction i believe. its great. i love it.

hey indie rock kid.

put your headphones down and brush those bangs out of your face.
theres songs that need to be written, things that need to be said, and lives that need to be saved.
stop listening to the whines of stephen malkmus,
put down that fender stratocaster,
and listen.



besides from the random bursts of poetry inspired by questionable content,
today kinda sucked.
asian is a bitch and tried to play it off like she was trying to be a good friend.
blahh.
blah blah blah.
moose gets on my nerves if im around her too often. blahhh.
i need a job. hopefully at ritas.
i need to drive. hopefully by august.
dwight howard just knocked down the shot clock when he dunked. haha.
sister is leaving tomorrow :[
oh well.


...
GO CAVS!

i have holes in my jeans and writing on my chucks.
two dusty guitars and a wish to one day be better than her so i can stop having fantasies about killing her and her bitch self.
my knees burn from sandpaper friction, my arms hurt from lifting 100.
knives keeps repeating in my head. what an amazing album.
my facebook/myspace/twitter/buzznet have no new notifications, and i probably won't be working at the little school this summer.
no job? seems likely at the moment.

blahhhhh.
sleep sleep sleeeeeeep.

KNIVES.

knives came out today. hopefully i'll get it tomorrow.
she has cuts on her leg. she was bored...? she didnt really say.
i just ruffled my hair, and half of it fell out.
i have french tomorrow. makes me wanna kill myself.
devon apparently cut his hair, and apparently has abs. he sent picture proof o_o
i need a dress and a present for tyler.
i need a dress and presents for bria and shianne.
i MUST take pictures for my photo essay/portfolio this weekend.
i need a new camera/clothes/things.
i need to clean my room so badly.
i need sleep :/
i hate the new facebook chat.
i don't have practice tomorrow :[
i havent been on the rmy and s//c in SO. LONG. it's actually depressing.
kdlfjlhadsfj;kl;fsm,nkjskal;d,mfn,j

remember the good things:
finally signed up for a job, gonna send community service stuff tomorrow.
met two japanese band dudes [crude, i think their name is] at 7-11, after being jealous of hilary for going to see them.
kicked a beach ball around in the wind with people i like and 2 people i disliked, but whatever.
tacos for lunch.
fun history class.
jumped into ralphies car with annie, her mom drove away and forced ralphie to run after us. then tried to drive away when she finally got to us, only to have her throw her hoodie on the windshield.
ralphie and i locking carlie and audrey in the bathrooms.
bothering annie in the bathroom.
talking with zc during 5th.
jokes morg makes during english.
twitters new way of @ replies and stuff.

she's gonna break soon,

gonna break soon, gonna break soon.

one word.
BLAHHHHHH.

i can't believe he bailed like that. i just can't believe it. he actually abandoned us.
the last two times were somewhat good reasons.
this is just insane. i can't believe he left just like that.

i don't want to work there over the summer. i want something else. i'm looking for something else. this is just insane.
what the fuckkkk.

and french homework isnt being done today. i may do it during lunch, i may throw my binder in my locker and say i forgot it. idk.
fuck.

luckily for me...

it will never be may 9th 2009 again.
i never have to relive this (that) day.
i need summer/warped tour. now please.

listen to the thunder.

knives comes out in 6 days. 5 if it turns midnight before i post this, which may be likely. depends on whether i get distracted or not. i'm excited as fuck. green day cd comes out in 9/8 days, i think. either way, i'm excited as fuck. as fuckity fuck. :]]]

-i saw raalla the other day. that made me happy. she said she should be back thursday. that made me happy.
-asian is really starting to piss me off. she's convinced i'm mad at her, when i AND zc told her i was just annoyed with like, everyone, and her especially cause she's always bitching at people for no reason. i literally don't think i can take it anymore. something needs to be done.
-my mom is set out to destroy me.
-i think...okay know we're having problems. i dont like it. i dont know how to fix it :/

is that thunder? not construction? is that lightining? not a helicopter?
fuck yes.
motherfucking yes.
i wish i could go out in it. maybe i'd feel better then.
arg. im not going to sleep until late again tonight, and i have to go workout tomorrow/drivers ed. this lack of sleep thing it somewhat difficult.
i need a diana camera.

"hop on my hog and hold me tight!"

oh god, i need a friend.