should i give up...

or should i just keep chasing pavements? even if it leads to nowhere...


i need to stop making goals for myself. i just get pissed at the end cause i never make them.
today i woke up, i ate, i watched tv, played cello until string broke, moved guitar into my room so it looks like i practiced, drew, vacuumed the hallway, bathroom, and stairs. in hopes someone will notice. cause they always seem to notice when i haven't done it...

i told myself i was going to clean my room, watching forgetting sarah marshal, clean the bathroom, break out my vinyl, put old clothes in a bag for good will, do my lab analysis, wash clothes, and my hair.
i did none of those.
which resulted in me trying to wash clothes while my mom was in the shower and wash my hair after the storm passed.
by the time my clothes were done and had to be put in the dryer, it was dark and the crickets were out. and since i have an irrational fear of bugs, i cried and cried hoping that someone would kill them for me, but they all refused. so now i have a soccer jersey covered in a think layer of febreeze, and i have to buy new socks from the school store. and by the time the storm passed, it was too late to wash my hair. now i have to do my lab analysis. i can't find anything in my room, my bathroom is almost gross, my drawers have way too much clothes in them, and my vinyl is standing upwards in a corner, covered in dust.

i dissapoint myself, basically.


in other news,
i realized there was a name for science meets medieval. steampunk.
i love that shit.
i want something steampunk for my birthday. i was gonna say keyboard, cause they're cool, but it doesn't really matter cause i have a laptop....