disenchanted...

i can't take it.
my moms best friend forever, my sisters godmother, and my forever loved 'aunt' and all the drama in her life.
my cousin who's eggo is oh so preggo, who has the most polite and manly boyfriend she has ever had, but turns out to be just as crazy underneath.
the ending of camp, which signals the beginning of school is almost upon us.
which then signals the beginning of all the stress of school friends and school work. my mother looming over me, slowly taking away the only things that make me sane because i do not have the attention span to do well in my classes. then the need to do well in sports will plague me.
and i just do not want to deal with the warnings. i don't want to have to put my guard up. i liked being so vulnerable in this circumstance. you'd think i would have learned bu now. but i guess some things never change. and i know they are warning me to protect me. i know they are just trying to help. but i don't want to hear it. i just don't want to hear it. think about it. anything. i want to just live in my little unrealistic, fantasy bubble and be happy. and i know that i can't but i want to so so badly.
i just can't handle all these things. especially at once. there's so many more but i can't control all my little thoughts enough to make them into an actual sentence, and actually something that i can express.
i don't want people to worry about me.
i don't want anyone to question me about this.
i just want to lay down and sleep and be still and quiet.