things i wish i said earlier:

but now it's too late cause i dont want to seem like a desperate, pathetic girl like i seemed the last time.

1. you make me self-conscience. i never wanted you to see my body cause i think its gross. even after we had sex or something i wanted to hide under the covers cause i didnt want you to really look. im afraid something about me might gross you out or something.

2. my mother has the power to instill fear in me. she always has. ever since we got caught, in your basement and driving, she has instilled this fear in me that if im someplace i'm not supposed to be, i will get caught. not a maybe. will. and im trying to overcome it. seriously. its in my to do list. but its hard cause she makes me very paranoid.

3. honestly, i thought you were gonna end it that night we saw the movie. cause i had a feeling something awful was gonna happen. and it did. but then we were fine and i had false hope that you wouldnt end it.

4. the hardest part was giving the ring back, cause then it was kinda official. giving your stuff back [when/if i see you again] will probably be tough too. but not as hard i think. cause even when we first ended it, i still had it, and i guess i still had hope. but giving it back was total devastation to me. i debated on whether i should give it back or not for a while...well, taking our photobooth pictures off my wall was pretty hard too.


i wish people would stop texting me asking if i'm okay and what happened. cause i'm obviously not okay and what do you think happened? i'm better if i'm not thinking about it, and when people text me, i think about it. monday is going to be fucking awful.

and can you answer my message please? i mean, it can be just a simple yes or no. cause you're leaving me hanging, and i hate it.

in other news sister dear text me to say i should drive 4hours to the bing and go drinking.
she was also the first to text me.
and i saw alice in wonderland with my parents tonight.

tomorrow night is gonna be awful.
tomorrow is just gonna be awful. basketball officially starts, and idk if i'm emotionally ready to deal with all their shit.
emotionally in general, im never prepared for their drama.
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i'm as mad as a hatter.