i. cant. take. it.

i'm itchy and antsy and i just want to slit my wrist and let them bleeeeeeed.
but i won't cause im allergic to causing myself pain on purpose. but all these scratches and bruises from the game make a nice replacement.
and now i'm freaking out. about everything. basketball, school, guitar, friends, so called friends, photography, my relationship, my friends mental health, myspace. absolutely every fucking thing. i feel like i need to cry but tears won't come out. i need to do something but i can't cause its past 12 and i have to get up at 6:15 so i can be on the road by 6:45, so i can get breakfast at mcdonalds and be at the complex by 8, so i can play by 8:30, then go to my aunts house and pretend to be happy and play with her puppy and be back at the complex by 3:30, so i can play by 4, then who knows. i could be playing at 8pm. i could be going home and be done for the weekend. i need to fuck i need to smoke i need to drink i need to pop pills i need to cut i need to do something cause i'm not feeling human. i'm feeling almost nothing but undying love for a boy that physically can't be there forever [fml] and anger towards everyone and everything and especially whoever is calling the house at this hour. it's probably my sister but if i was sleeping i'd cut a bitch. i'm feeling the pain from my back [i swear it will never go away] and from my bruise on my forehead where sean and i ran into each other. [ouch] and i just want to scream at everyone how i feel about them and i wish i was more like zoey. and could actually tell people how i feel. i think i'm gonna start doing that. gahhh idk idk idk i'm freaking out and i don't want to go to bed, but i have to. oh god. i'm going to be such an addict when i'm older [like i'm not already. i'm sorry. i love you. i'm pissed at the world. someone slay me.]